Is Giving to Another Giving to Ourselves?

I was reading an article about how some tennis
players have been playing in France. Apparently
they have given their competitors points that have
won games. It is possible that those who are the
line men could have made different calls, but the
players were willing to be OK with calls of their
own that weren't in their favor.

The author of the article mentions that that type
of behavior isn't likely to happen in a sport like
basketball. Not sure that it even could, given
the dynamic. But the idea that one would give
another even a momentary advantage is something
I think we could use more of in the world.

Wouldn't it be something if we let another
occasionally have the "advantage?" I'd say in
the end, we all likely would benefit from the
positive ripple effects. I could be wrong, but
I sure wouldn't mind trying the theory out.

Given the world we live in - I'm not sure we'd
have much to lose.
 

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If this is true...Yikes! | Selling Oneself

There is a story about a 17 year old who was
given the equivalent of approximately $3,000
for a kidney. According to the story he
wanted an iPad 2.

For some it would seem preposterous that
someone would do something like that.
At the same time, people in general sell
parts of themselves for the things they
want: a bigger house, a more expensive
car, nicer clothes, "toys" they want.

People get in over their heads, or in to
situations that are difficult to extricate
oneself from without some consequence to
those superficial things. As a result,
many who want to make changes, don't -
and to a greater expense than the one they
think they are avoiding by maintaining the
status quo.

In another Twilight Zone episode that I
recently saw, a guy was given 3 wishes,
and warned that with anything he chose,
there would be consequences. For dramatic
effect, the consequences were quite dire.
However, it does highlight the fact that
anything we do will have ripple effects
of some sort.

It might be good to recognize that fact
when we are busy looking the other way
hoping that everything will work out.
 

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Communication Can Be Tricky | Video

Communication can be tricky. A person could know
exactly what s/he means, but it can come off
sounding like something completely different to
another.

Do you know what is being sung about in this song?



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Are You Feeling Resigned?

Per Google's online dictionary, resigned
has (among others) the following definitions:

Give up (an office, power, privilege, etc.)
Accept that something undesirable cannot be avoided
Surrender oneself to another's guidance

As I look at those definitions, I see a potential
mixed bag of meaning. When one "gives up" it could
be because something else is more important. It
could also mean that the person who gives up feels
it futile to continue what s/he was doing.

There are some situations in life that are
undesirable, and yet there are very few of them
that "cannot be avoided." Many times we may feel
so trapped by our choices, that we thinking they
are unavoidable, and yet what they really are are
things that we have the ability to change -
if we are willing.

To "surrender ones' self" to another could be a
smart thing to do, or it could be a way of giving
away your personal power. Someone might know
better than you, but it's not because they say so.

It would be because you could recognize and
identify something within that matches how the
person approaches a situation. You may not totally
know or understand where the person comes from,
but there is an inner part of you that knows if
you might be taking the "easy" way out (which often
can become the more difficult way), or doing s
something that might "seem" to be a good thing
vs something that truly is.

An argument can be made that one person's
resignation is another's empowerment. On a
superficial level that is likely easier to
do than one that goes to the core and heart
of the matter. You know when you are doing
the right thing. There is an inner peace
that comes along with your choices. It
doesn't mean that everything around you will
be calm and peaceful, but there will be an
inner knowledge that what is being done is
being done for the best. You do know when
that happens. I am sure you've had moments
like that.

At the very least, you have had moments in
which you listened to another, and knew that
you hadn't done the right thing for yourself.

In the end, it is YOU who gets to decide
what is right for you, and what your
motivation is for your decisions. Interestingly,
we will make decisions with our emotions and
then back them up with our logic, so you could
probably make almost anything work for you -
for a time, at least.

One of the best keys for the best chance at
happiness and true satisfaction is to be as
aware as you can be of what you are doing
and why you are doing it. Another one would
be to recognize whether or not something is
truly working for you. At least then you
will be able to tell if you are doing something
because you want to do it, or because someone
else wants you to - or thinks you should -
do it. It likely will also help you to see
if you justifying actions only appear to
serve your interests.

It isn't always easy to look, but when you're
not happy, or feeling unsettled, and it is
more than on an occasional basis, odds are
something is going on that is telling you
to look closer. Perhaps it is time for a
change. You know when you are making a "fix"
and when you are actually doing something
that will work, and so does that part of
you that nags at you. Circumstances don't
always need to change for you to feel good
about things, sometimes a true change in
perspective will be effective.

What won't work? Settling and/or avoidance,
as sooner or later it will likely come back
to bite you in the butt

Someone once told me something about how
compromise is important to a relationship.
My response was that if a person in the
relationship feels compromised as a result,
I wouldn't necessarily agree. If, however,
both parties can agree that it is best to
make a compromise, and really feel good
about it, then yes.

A compromise between two people that leaves
either one of them feeling compromised is li
kely to eat away at the partner affected,
and ultimately the fabric of the relationship.

Fight to keep the relationship on those terms,
and you will likely only have a skeleton after
a while. The relationship will have no "meat"
left. You might be OK with that, but if you're
not, and you're feeling resigned, sounds like
you may have some work to do.

As always, I might be able to help. If you'd
like my help, just ask. Hypnosis can be great
for things like this.
 
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Turmoil & Peace

Turmoil and peace often are related.

Sometimes you need some external
turmoil to bring some inner peace.

Sometimes external turmoil is
caused by a lack of inner peace.

There are times we don't want to make
waves, but at the same time, we need
to because it is time to make a change.

Change is uncomfortable, and even
more so when we fight it. You may
somehow think that you are doing
yourself (or perhaps even someone
you care about) a favor by not
making waves.

But if you are not at peace with your
life on the inside, you aren't doing
anyone any favors, and odds are sooner
or later things around you will change,
whether you want them to, or not.

It might be better to take a good,
long, hard look at things, and figure
out what it is that you do want, and
go about making changes. Things will
possibly be rocky, but I would bet
not as rocky as you might think.

However, however rocky it is, at the
other side is likely the inner peace
you've been wishing for. Life can be
challenging sometimes, but there are
times we seem to make things more
difficult for ourselves by fighting
what we already know.

In all of life there are cycles of
destruction followed by creation,
why would we ever think we were
exempt? What if we accepted that
sometimes things do - and need to -
change? Might we be happier and
better off for it?

I suspect the answer is yes, but
it doesn't really matter what the
answer is. If you are unhappy,
something has to change, if you
want to stop the unhappiness, and
there is a very good chance it
won't be any of the other people
involved.

There was a time in my life that
I knew something had to change,
but I just wanted things to work
out. I wanted the OTHER person
to see things my way. I wasn't
changing, the situation wasn't
changing, the other person wasn't
changing. I felt trapped, frustrated
and miserable - not to mention
scared - although at the time I
don't think I really acknowledged
my fears. Looking back, I'd say
my fears were a much bigger player
and decision-maker than I realized.

Eventually I took steps, as difficult
as they were, and backslid more than
once. Things finally came to a head,
and when the final step for lasting
change came, I couldn't have been
more relieved. What a difference.
As silly as it may sound, I felt like I
could breathe again. I had been holding
my breath for months, maybe even years.

That was a key time for me, and one I
often refer to. In looking back, I have
been able to move forward.

No one says you have to change, but if
you're unhappy, you may just want to.
Remember to be kind to yourself, odds
are you're doing the best you can.
While you're at it, consider looking at
turmoil as your friend, who's just
trying to help you get where you want
to be - whether you think you know where
that is, or not. :P
 
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On Remembering Who You Are

I caught the end of a Twilight Zone
episode last night in which a woman
in a department store appeared to
be losing her mind.

She said she had spoken to a sales
woman who, when she saw her again,
was a mannequin.

She seemed to be scared and freaking
out as she found herself in store
after it closed.

She got in the elevator, and the
mannequin who now appeared as a
woman was assisting her to come
out of the elevator, telling her
how silly she was being.

As the two of them walked, a number
of other mannequins that seemed to
be alive joined them. The woman
who brought her from the elevator
asked her to see what she could
remember, that "they" would help
her to remember.

Slowly, and surely, the upset woman
began to recall that she has just
returned from her 30 days in the
"real" world. Apparently, the
mannequins took turns being real
for that period of time.

It made me think about what is our
reality. How do we define it? Is
the unreal so real that when we
return to who we truly are, it is
scary? Do we sometimes need help
to be reminded of who we are?

Interestingly, when she remembered
who she was, she was quite peaceful.
It also turned out that she was a
day late in her return. Could that
have added to her state? The more
we are lost and/or resist our true
selves, the more likely we are to
be anxious, upset, frustrated,
confused. The list goes on.

Consider what you have accepted as
your reality, and see how peaceful
you are about it. If you're not so
peaceful, maybe you just need some
help to remember who you are.

I could be wrong, but I suspect that
life for some is the opposite of that
episode with the wooden world of the
mannequin seeming to be the real one.

Need help? Peace?
Maybe I can be of assistance.

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