Maybe you can relate? | Video

In the following song about a relationship
that ended is the lyric, "I know my heart
will never be the same, but I'm telling
myself I'll be okay."

I think it is interesting to consider that
one's heart not being the same is something
of concern. Yes we get disappointed and
sad, and our heart breaks, and our heart
will never be the same, but it is those
experiences that give us some of our more
precious gifts.

We learn about ourselves, we learn what
we want, don't want, what we are willing
to put up with. We gain invaluable
experience. Our experiences create a
heart that is an artwork that is a work
in progress.

There is much about love and relationships
that make no sense. In a world in which
many people want to control and understand
things, works of heart certainly can
wreak their own kind of havoc.

Sara also talks about "getting stronger."
I would say that could be interpreted in
more than one way. In one regard it could
be getting stronger and better able to get
past what hurts. In another, it could also
be that our experiences have a way of making
us stronger as a person as a whole.

Sometimes it is the layers though that
give a work its character, and if you let
them, they will make life more beautiful
than ever before, and you will find a
better love than you ever imagined.

As always, a lot more easily said than
done - especially in the midst of
heartbreak. However, as sucky as the
moment may seem...one way or another
life goes on one breath at a time.


 

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The 100/0 Principle | Video

I heard about the 100/0 Principle today, a
principle presented in a book by Al Ritter.

I would imagine that many will find his
way of looking at relationships questionable.
After all, there is the thought that relationships
should be 50/50. Oddly enough, I don't know
any that are even close to 50/50.

I think relationships are give and take,
and depending on what's going on there may
be more give than take or more take than give.
However it is the unique equation between the
two who are relating that makes it work, or not.

Al suggests that we take 100% responsibility
for the relationships we are in, and expect
nothing back. In his book he quote Tony Robbins:

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships
come from the fact that most people enter a
relationship to get something: They're trying
to find someone who's going to make them feel
good. In reality, the only way a relationship
will last is if you see your relationship as a
place that you go to give, and not a place you
go to take."

I have not yet read the book, but you can read
a sample here, and for today, the book is only
$10, and they throw in an additional one for
free. Don't want 2? Then buy something else,
and you'll get the book for free.

I have nothing to gain from you buying it, just
in case you are wondering. I just thought there
might be some who would read this, and might
find the idea to be of interest.

In the end, he suggests that there is a paradox
with a 100/0 relationship. The paradox, it
would seem, is that when one person acts in
this manner, the other person seems to get
there, too.

Here's a short promo video:


See what you think. If you get the book, I'd
love to know your thoughts/impressions.

Have a great day!
 

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Earth as a Work of Art

image from Nasa

The above image is from a
series of 20 photographs from Space.

They're interesting to look at for
a number of reasons. There is one
that shows icebergs and they look
like little dots. I am sure they
are much more significant than the
picture could let on.

Perspective does have a way of
making the small large and the
large small, doesn't it?
 

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What if...

we were born to a world without other
people? I know it's impossible to
consider at this stage in the game,
but what if.

If there were no other people there
would be no expectations. There
would be - in some ways - a blank
slate. We could do whatever we
wanted to do. I would have to
wonder if we would even know what
disappointment was...because how
would we know that what was wasn't
exactly how it should be.

How would we know sadness?

As I write, I am formulating this
"conversation," as it is difficult
to conceptualize what life would
be without another's influence,
as we are subject to others'
influences from the first moment
of life...and perhaps even before.

I think about things like this
sometimes because actions of those
I speak with are often influenced
by what others around them will
think.

There is zero judgment regarding
this, as I, too, am subject to the
same type of potential restriction.
I am not in any way exempt.

When I was in my teens I had a
conversation with someone about
appearances. The person I was
speaking with was trying to
convince me that if I was coming
out of a bar it might appear that
I was drinking. After all, for
most what does a person do in a
bar, if not drink?

I responded by saying that I
wasn't drinking, and what did
I care what someone thought.

She decided to try another approach.
She was a married woman. She said
what would it be like for her to
go out with a single man? My
response was what would it matter?
If she and he knew nothing was
awry, why should anyone care?

I look back on that conversation,
and I think about how the differences
in our approaches may have had something
to do with "adult" sensibilities.

As an adult, perhaps, we can see how
another's perception of who we are
can alter our world, and potentially
limit what we are able to do.

As a result, we limit ourselves first.

In speaking with someone recently,
I was saying that I wonder if I could
consider choices in isolation of others'
judgments if I would do things differently.

I was thinking of something in particular,
and it would be a case of I know what I
was doing and what I wasn't doing, but
if someone had a different perception,
or perhaps even judged what I thought
was OK as not OK in their experience, I
couldn't help but wonder what the net
effect could possibly be.

One who might consider himself or herself
wise might be wise to consider what one
does before acting on it, as there could
be unpleasant consequences.

But what does that ultimately cost us?

Those things we hold back on...might they
be things that would make a difference
for those in our lives and others in our
extended world family if they were to
be acted on? Might they make a difference
for the most important person in your
life - YOU?

I speak as a person who is quite often
the "odd" one, so I know what it is like
to try to walk on that tightrope. Often
my opinions and thoughts will vary from
those around me, and it isn't an easy
place to stand. When in Rome, do as the
Romans do, or get kicked out.

However the thing I have noticed is that
the more I am willing to take a stand
and be different - even in the difficulty -
the more it seems to help others be who
they want to be, and I think that is
pretty awesome.

We seem to need permission to be ourselves.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) the only
person around who can do that for us, is us.
But watching and observing and interacting
with others can often help to prompt us to
act on what we already know.

Maybe it is good that we have others around.
Maybe it helps us to realize what is
important to us because to be OK with it
we have to take a stand.

I don't know that that is the case, but...
if we're going to have to be in a dynamic,
we might as well make it mean something
good and empowering, don't you think?

So while you are out living your life,
trying to figure out what the right thing
to do is, caring about what others may
think and how others may react, remember
that there are others who are attempting
to do the very same thing.

The more we can give people the freedom
to be themselves, the less likely we will
have to hide - or deny - parts of ourselves.

Also consider that while you may think you
know someone or something by appearance,
you may not have a clue. Consider that
judgments often come from who we think a
person is, rather than who s/he truly is.

If you're going to stand in judgment of
another, at least have your facts straight.
But better yet, see what you can do about
refraining from a judgment. What difference
does it make to anyone else if I was in a
bar drinking or a married woman goes out
with a single man?

Yes. I realize there are a whole bunch of
societal pieces and questions that can be
attached to those questions, but if you
feel compelled to be involved, then at
least do everyone a favor and "get your
facts straight" so that you are at least
responding to what is, and not what you
have created it to be in your own mind.

What do you think? Do you feel judged?
Do you judge? Do the judgments have a
bottom line effect?
 

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"Every day you don't do what's right... | Video

is a day that you've lost an option."
- quote from the following video

This video is quite profound.

I am certain there are those who would
make contrary arguments. I have to
wonder what is "true" in any regard.
How do we know if what is presented
here is true?

The fact is, we really don't.

However, something I would consider
equally factual is the fact that
since it could be true, it wouldn't
hurt us to consider that what is
being said is true, and find other
ways of doing things.

See what you think.

 

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"Whatever"

I was talking to someone today about
something we don't see eye to eye on.

It is a difficult situation, as I
feel like the person isn't hearing
what I am saying. It is pretty
clear to me that there are all
kinds of meanings that are going
on behind the scenes that are creating
some of the conversational havoc.

During the conversation the person
said, "Whatever." You know how
good that sounds, don't you? It
totally strips away any value of
what you have just said. It basically
says that person perceives your
statement to have zero value.

In this case, I think it has perceived
zero value because it isn't a
perspective that can be understood
easily. It isn't to that person's
advantage to understand what was said,
because it could conceivably undermine
what they want and are trying to
accomplish.

When I said something about the
"whatever," I was met with "fine,"
whatever's sibling.

"Whatever" and "fine" often shut down
communications. They do not contribute
to any positive outcome. The other
person can be left defensive, and/or
feel the need to attack.

In my case, I took a step back, and
tried to figure out what to do/what
to say. At this point I am still
not sure what that will be. At least,
though, my biggest reaction is this
blog piece, sharing my thoughts with
you instead of reacting in a way that
could have likely only made matters
worse.

If you want to be heard, it would be
a good idea to say things in a way
that the other person can hear you.
When you say things like "whatever"
instead of how you really feel, or
instead of asking a question to
clarify, you are likely to get no
where fast. That is kind of ironic,
as well, as "whatever" usually comes
from the frustration of an outcome
that is going any way but the way
you want it to.

Want things to turn around? You'll
have a better chance of making that
happen if you are willing to ask
questions of yourself and the other
person. What is really going on?

Most times whatever it is has nothing
to do with what you think it does.
Uncover what "it" is, instead of
devaluing where the other person is,
and you will have a much better shot
at the outcome you want, or at the
very least come to a respectful
appreciation of the other person and
situation.

Sometimes your attempts at communication
will open up avenues of expression and
understanding between you and the other
person. Often it might feel safer to
shut down, or shut things down. After
all if you say what you really feel,
there is likely to be a feeling of
vulnerability...not a comfortable feeling
for most people. To be able to move
forward, we may have to be willing to
expose ourselves in uncomfortable ways.

We can't always have what we want, but
that doesn't mean that we can't always
treat those we interact with with love,
respect, patience, understanding...even
when - and especially when - they're
unable to communicate their frustrations
in a way that is helpful to either one
of you.

(That even includes yourself. Sometimes
it can get very frustrating to not know
how to communicate something so the other
person knows what you are really saying.
We all truly do the best we can with what
we got in any given moment. It's just
one of those things that some of what we
got is better than some of the other
stuff we got.)

And the next time you are tempted to say
"whatever" or "fine," consider that you
might be better off being quiet for a
minute and figuring out what you really
feel about what was said and expressing
that, or just acknowledge what was said.
Just because you don't understand it,
doesn't mean it isn't in some way valid
for the other person.

Odds are good if your reaction is extreme,
you really care about the person and/or
the situation, so consider treating those
things with the respect that things you
care about deserve.
 

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Happy Easter!

I said that to someone today who said
they didn't really
celebrate the holiday.

That's ok, I said...
I tend to want to
celebrate any reason
that has people
wanting to be
nicer to each other.

So...

even if it's not your "thing,"
I hope you have a very
wonderful and special day.

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The Great Escape?

There is trouble in your life and you find
an escape. Then you go to a place that is
hypnotic in nature, and becomes difficult
to escape.

The problem is that it takes you away from
living a life that you could really love.

Maybe you don't love the life you live, but
if you escape it, you will never do anything
to change it.

Virtual life becomes better than the real one.

In actuality, if you are willing to take the
steps necessary, your real life could be
better than a virtual one - any day.

It is at a greater risk. It takes more work.
It has a greater level of difficulty because
the rewards are so much greater.

Of course, life is about choices, and you are
making choices all of the time, even when you
don't think you are (non choices are by default
choices).

Are you choosing wisely?

If you are in doubt, odds are you might want
to reconsider what you are doing.

A part of you knows what is best, and it also
knows that making a change won't always be the
easiest thing you ever do, but it also knows
it will likely come with the greatest reward.

That voice will never give up on you.

It loves you, and it knows what you are going
through. And it knows that if you continue on
the path you are on, you aren't doing yourself
any favors because in the end, you will discover
there was a price to pay that was greater than
any you would have paid to face things.

It will help you get what you need...
you just have to be willing to...LISTEN.

Consider that when an escape becomes your
life it ceases to be an escape...instead
it winds up being a form of a prison.

If these thoughts resonate for you know that
you can get what you need without compromising
yourself. And, the best part is you can get
it in a way that works for ALL of you, not
just a part.


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