On Love

Love can seem to be quite a troubling thing.
In actuality, it is what we attach to it
and what we make those things mean that
can be so troubling.

Love, in and of itself, it a beautiful thing.
When you truly love someone you love them
because you love them, not because they do
something for you, say the right things,
give you a gift...

Love doesn't have to "look" a certain way.
You can love someone with your whole heart
and never be with them. I have had more
than one of those situations in my life,
and while on one level they suck, on another
one they are some of the most beautiful
gifts I have ever received.

Being human means making meaning all over
the place, so sometimes we will be sad when
things don't work out. Even though I
recognize the gift, it doesn't mean that
I have transcended the emotions that come
from the disappointment of things not
going my way. In a situation that is less
than desirable, I just choose to focus on
the good.

I wrote a poem about one of those times,
and made a video about it, which you can
check out below. See what you think.
Perhaps you'll be able to relate, or
perhaps it'll have you considering a
new perspective.




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On Changes, Focus and Belief | Video

This is a video well worth the few minutes
it will take to watch, especially if you
are contemplating change - or are in the
midst of changes.

The Taraval Tunnel

Let me know what you think.
 
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Still here? | On Life's Moments

Apparently those who thought the world
was going to come to an end this week
were - in some cases - disappointed.

Apparently, for some it would have been
a relief. Those who gave up their jobs
and their possessions certainly had
their world transform, but not likely in
the way they anticipated.

It got me to thinking about what life
would be if we knew when the end would
come. What if we had some warning?
Would people act the way those who believed
did?

The fact of the matter is that we do, in
some way, have a situation just like that.

Most of us know that living to 100 is fairly
unlikely. Average life expectancy in the US
is 78.7 years, so we know the end is coming,
and barring any unforeseen circumstances,
we might anticipate that amount of time
before our world, as we know it, ceases to
exist.

It's just that we play this game that is
part denial. We act as though we have
forever, and as a child it certainly seems
that way. At the age of 5, we've lived
approx 1/15 of what might be the length of
our life. The rest of the time seems so
far away.

Many children know how best to be in the
moment, focusing on that one thing they must
have, or do, now. Their attention may
shift to "when I am older" when they realize
that they do not have the ability to do what
they want to do, thinking that being an adult
will change everything in the most magical
of ways.

I can't help but wonder if that way of
looking at things stays with us - that we
keep thinking that tomorrow will have the
answers we don't have today. So we wind up
living more for what is to come than in what
we have now. As a result, we don't truly
look at what is in front of us. We are
unwilling to see things as they are. After
all, if you don't feel like you have the
ability to change things, you have to find
a way to cope, don't you?

But the thing is...odds are you are not a
child reading this. Odds are you are an
adult who has the ability to discern things
and to make choices. The game is not over
until you take your last breath. Many things
in life may feel impossible to change, but
that is because you have yet to find an
option that you can live with better.

Sometimes it is difficult to see past where
you are because steps have to be taken for
you to be able to see other things. On the
east coast of the US, it is impossible to
see the Eiffel Tower, except in video or
image. It might as well just be a dream.

But get in your car, go to the airport, get
on a plane, fly to Paris, perhaps connect
through somewhere else, and you will be
steps closer to your target, and you will
see things you never saw before, and have
experiences impossible to have while standing
on the eastern shores of the US. When you
look back the things that looked like hurdles
will likely seem insignificant. You probably
had no idea what else was possible along the
way.

It'd be nice if we all had a genie in a bottle,
but since we don't, we have the next best
thing: our ability to make our own magic
through the choices we make.

Yeah. I know. Not the same, at all. One
takes no effort at all on your part.

I can only speculate why life is set up this
way, and there are many who have their own
ideas. But I'd say one key is to acknowledge
where you are, and get moving. Wherever you
are headed, it will take one step at a time
to get there, and I bet if you pay attention
there is some beautiful scenery along the way.

Better yet, the destination may very well be
even more beautiful than you imagined - and
it all began with that first scary step. So
good, in fact, you may even have to refrain
from kicking yourself in the butt, wondering
what took you so long to get there. :P


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Are you one of those asleep? | Quote

If you want to make your dreams come true,
the first thing you have to do is wake up.

- J.M. Power

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Doing Things Your Way

When I saw the following video, I was struck by
Adam Lambert's willingness to step into his own
personality. Given the choices he made, it was
an uncomfortable choice for many, and likely
many more who were not shown.

It made me think about those times that we have
a job to do, and it isn't always one we want to
do. How many of us can carve out a way that
suits us and get the job done? Adam made it to
the finals, so he had to be doing something right.

Those who are truest to themselves tend to stand
out and rock the boat. It isn't always being
"green," but when it's who you are, it is going
to be very difficult, if not impossible, to be
anyone else.

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What if...

What if...
you're not in a relationship because
you're not in a relationship?

What if...
you're not talking to your brother because
you're not talking to your brother?

What if...
you're not making more money because
you're not making more money?

What if...
you're taking the vacation because
you want to take the vacation?

What if...?

Some would believe there is something
"wrong" with you if you're not in a
relationship.

Some would give you a hard time if you're
not talking to your brother. What did
YOU do wrong?

Some would say you're not motivated,
or not working hard enough, if you're
not making more money.

Some would say it's not wise to take
that vacation for money reasons, or
maybe where you want to go is not where
you should go.

Sometimes those with the best of
intentions will tell us what to
do, when to do it, and how best to do
it, and if we don't listen - and things
aren't the way we think they should be -
then there has to be something wrong
with us.

If someone wants to be in a relationship,
and isn't, that is the only explanation
there is, isn't there? After all, we
always all get what we want, don't we,
and if we don't, we certainly have to
be standing in our own way, right?

What if...life just sometimes doesn't
seem to cooperate? What if...life has
other ideas? What if...the masterpiece
takes time to create?

I don't know about you, but I find it
very difficult to live in a world in
which our seeming ability or inability
to have something becomes a judgment
when all it might be is a "fact."

What if...we stopped to take people
where they were and just supported and
loved them instead of judging them?
I suspect then that those who don't
have something they want, and have
frustrations they don't want, would
then perhaps have a little more peace.

After all...if something isn't happening
the way they'd like it to, it doesn't
necessarily mean they're missing anything,
or need to be fixed, and your impressions
to the contrary may only add to the
unpleasant and uncomfortable mix.

This is not to say sometimes we might need
a kick in the butt, or need a change of
venue or scenery, but the person who is
in the best position to guage that is in
the life you might think you know how
best to live. Unfortunately, your life
and your desires and your circumstances
are not always going to be the same for
another, and your solution - as wonderful
as it may seem to be - may not be a
solution at all.

What if...we only sought to help when a
person sought our assistance?

What if...others allowed us to be responsible
to ourselves and our choices and allowed us
to be OK with our own disappointments, without
feeling in some way that WE were a disappointment,
too?

The fact is
sometimes things just happen.

The fact is
sometimes things don't happen.

The fact is
we may just have to be disappointed sometimes.

The fact is
we can't always have what we want,
how we want it,
with who we want it,
when we want it

and the fact is...
that odds are quite good that
despite other's judgments and
concerns, and intentions, if
who you are and what you do
works for you, then it might
just be where you need to be
right here, right now.

And, and another potential fact is...
It might just suck.

Where did we ever get the
idea that we as human beings
would know all the answers?
It seems it would be at the
same time that not knowing
all the answers, and/or not
being able to "fix" our
circumstances became a problem,
or made us one.

Maybe who you are is perfect.

Odds are good, too, that
you've been on both sides
of this fence. Perhaps this
conversation will have you
look at things a bit differently
going forward.

Most people would likely say
"love" is their motivation for
helping. If one truly loves
another, s/he will love in
spite of another's seeming
imperfections.

Of course there are extremes,
and there are exceptions,
however I'd say that there is
likely much more middle ground
than most are likely to give.

What do you think?
 
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