It's More Than Just Words...

Ron Howard has a new movie coming out called The Dilemma.

Recently there was a big brouhaha regarding a scene in
the trailer in which Vince Vaughn's character talks
about a car being so "gay."

The trailer came out about the same time that there were
many news items about gay youth dying. As a result, the
studio decided to cut the scene from the trailer.
Apparently it was/is up to Ron Howard as to whether or
not the lines stay in the movie at all.

I read today that after much reflection and consultation,
he has decided to keep them in. Among the reasons, it
is an adult movie. While it could be argued that if it
somehow reinforces an adult's view on the topic, it
could trickle down to the youth. After all, where do
youth get their beliefs generally speaking?

However, in addressing some of the issues around the
topic and the film, Ron makes some valid points. I
admire him for the way he looks at the stand he has
taken.

If we are so sensitive as to edit all language that we
find objectionable in the media, it doesn't mean it
will go away, and it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Might it be better to paint the pictures that we
paint, and then address them instead of pretending
like they don't exist?

So many times, people want to act as if something is
not an issue, so they want to hush it, ignore it,
try to push it away...but it still lurks. Interestingly,
when things are pushed down and away, it is like a
fertilizer, and instead of killing it off, there is
a good chance it is actually going to be fed.

The more we try to push things down, put them off,
push them away, the more likely we will be to have
to deal with them - on a bigger scale - later.

I would suggest that the language - the words -
are getting in the way of the REAL problem and issue.
The words are often a symptom, and the best thing
we can do is to address the cause. Behind words
are meanings that need to be addressed so that the
words either take on a new meaning, or cease to
be an issue.

Unfortunately, ceasing to use them in a certain
manner alone does not address the cause, and
therefore doesn't resolve the problem. If only
it was that easy. I know few who would say that
was the case, and yet as we draw energy, time,
resources to addressing the words, the problem
continues.

Like many issues we face today, it is difficult to
address them completely in their complexity. I
am only adding my few cents to the mix. If we
could get to a better place by accepting ourselves,
loving ourselves, and learning to communicate
effectively, with a respect for others I suspect
we'd go a long way in getting to the place that
some people try to correct with superficial fixes.

The thing is, though, we have an outward type of
culture that makes it very difficult to go within
and confront ourselves. It is easier to blame
someone else and address their issues, instead of
dealing with our own.

Yes. It sucks. And it also is the best hope we
have to help ourselves, or anyone else. If
something is troubling you, consider taking a
moment to figure out what you are addressing
and, if at all possible, address the cause.
You'll have a much better chance of using your
time, energy, and resources in a beneficial way.
 

The Time is Now

In the midst of what is going on with
my friend's dad, this poem was shared.

Apparently the author is the prolific
Anon Y. Mous

The Time is Now

If you are ever going to love me,
Love me now, while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow,
Love me now while I am living,
Do not wait until I'm gone
And then have it chiseled in marble,
Sweet words on ice-cold stone.
If you have tender thoughts of me,
Please tell me now.
If you wait until I'm sleeping,
Never to awaken,
There will be death between us,
and I won't hear you then.
So, if you love me, even a little bit,
Let me know it while I am living
So I can treasure it.

Perhaps this will inspire you to
tell someone how you feel about
them...if they're anything like
me, it may be something that is
already known, but in the words
come the "real" meat.

And, sadly, sometimes while one
may think it is "known," people
don't realize what they mean to
others, and the words can make
all the difference (think: It's
A Wonderful Life).

Every day can be a special day
of Love and Appreciation, not
just holidays on the calendar.

Have a great day!
 

Jon Stewart: A Beacon of Sanity | Video

Ask Men says that Jon Stewart is
the Most Influential Man of 2010.

I'd like to say (as odd as that
may seem to some) that is good
news, given what is being
expressed by him.

He has some very wise words that
I think have a balanced, sane
sound to them. It is a message
that I can only hope that people
can hear.

Today he had a rally in DC, and
I thought some of what he had to
say quite profound. The video
below has his closing words.

Two quotes of particular note
for me were:

"If we amplify everything,
we hear nothing."

"The inability to distinguish
terrorists from Muslims makes
us less safe, not more."

I like how he breaks things apart
that have been unhelpfully
collapsed together.

If you haven't seen it, consider
taking the time and watching/
listening and see what you
might get from it, and share
with others.

He mentions nothing of hypnosis,
and yet what he describes is
hypnosis in action. When we
are hypnotized, we are paying
attention to what the hypnotist
wants us to see and experience.
As a result, our experience
becomes limited by the hypnotist's
focus, awareness, and direction.

(Interesting to note that the
first letter of each one of those
words creates the word FAD: defined
by Wikipedia "as any form of
behavior that develops...and is
collectively followed with
enthusiasm for some period..."
It's generally considered fleeting,
and is considered an alternative to
a trend which is more enduring.)

And it would seem these days that
we as a culture are quite
mesmerized, and not necessarily
by the things that do us good.

I am glad to see someone who is
doing and saying things that can
empower and engage doing his
best to awaken those in trance.

Things that happen in trance can
become real life realities if
reinforced over time. Good
hypnosis becomes who you are,
and is no longer what you do.

It might be good if all of the
"insanity" that Jon believes has
been present is more of a fad
than a trend. But only time
will tell. I know I am voting
for a fad.

What about you?

What do you think?

 

I Suppose This is Supposed to Be a Good Thing..

I went to Subway today for the first time in
a very long time.

I don't know if all Subways are doing what
this one is, but I don't find it appealing
in any shape, way, or form.

I can venture a guess as to why some may
say what they're doing is a good thing, but
there is not one reason that I can think of
out of those possibilities that out weighs
(in my mind) what they are in some ways a
substitution for.

What is this "thing?"

It is a touch screen machine that takes
your order. You tell the machine what you
want, and then you go pay someone at the
register for your order.

I won't be surprised if one day we walk
into a place and never have to interact
with another human being to do what we
need to do.

That will be a very sad day.

Some might say it is good in the guise
of efficiency, or in some way more
accurate (more like if there is a problem,
the person doing the transaction is to
blame, as they're the only one around).

For a long time now phone systems have
become like that. It is difficult to
get a human being to transact with.

I am under the impression that people may
have liked it at first, but I don't know
too many at the moment who do.

Like many things, our appreciation is
greater when the thing appreciated is lost.
I would rather not appreciate the value of
human interaction only after is has gone
the way of the dinosaur.

Yes. That may be a bit dramatic, but
sometimes the reality might be a lot closer
to the drama than we realize. Whether we
want to admit it, or not, our ability to
relate and interact in person is slipping.

Is it something we can afford to lose?
 

Should I be who you want me to be? | Video

I suspect in regard to this video,
and the actions Lebron has taken,
there would be many who would say
"Yes" without blinking. But, put
them in a similar position and
odds are good they wouldn't want
someone telling them who to be
or what to do.


 

Thinking for Oneself

Today I was reading Seth Godin's Blog. There is
a thought FULL man if there ever was one.

He was talking about a willful type of ignorance
that is fostered by the current media environment
that would seem to discourage people from thinking
for themselves. It would seem sometimes easier
to have someone else decide what is best.

Now, of course we can't all be experts in all
things, but it would seem to me that thinking
for one's self is something that would make sense,
even if it was at times time consuming or
confrontational.

Experts will say they know what's what. However,
I found it interesting that Niels Henrik David Bohr
says that an expert is someone "who has made all
the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field."

How does one know when that occurs? I'd be willing
to bet there are people who call themselves experts
who haven't yet made every conceivable mistake,
which means that there may be people who would be
on the receiving end of an incorrect presumption.

In the current culture, "experts" are a dime a dozen.
So-called experts you will find will also disagree
on the points of one's study and profession. How
does one know that the advice they are being given
is as golden as the expert would like you to believe
it to be?

You don't.

And that is why it is important for us to pay attention
and ask questions and learn and grow and explore,
constantly. There is an endless amount of information
"out there" and it won't always be easy to tell which
piece is the "correct" one cognitively.

But asking questions is a good place to start, and
having "gut" checks is another method for decision
making. The more we tune into our gut and use it, and
the more information that we cull from, the more likely
we are to know what course of direction is the best
one to take.

Despite an expert's best intention, it may be prudent
to add, the expert is human, and human beings tend to
have times when they are fallible and will make
mistakes. Sometimes we won't know better to prevent
it, but there will be other times that we might just
be able to do or say the right thing to save further
difficulty or heartache - if - we are willing to
question the person doing the talking. And that will
mean we'll have to do some of the thinking for ourself.
As powerful as it can be to think for oneself, I hope
it's not as unique as some would think it to be,
and that it doesn't hurt too much for those that do it.
:P

(Sorry, the smart ass in me has to come out sometimes).
 

Legislating the Symptom | Video

In this video there is someone who
is advocating sending parents to jail for
3 days in Michigan if they do not attend
Parent Teacher Conferences. To be "fair"
to the topic, apparently the action will
be a last resort option only, and will
have certain exceptions.

I find a few things interesting about this
interview. The woman who is being interviewed
makes the comment about how many say we
shouldn't legislate morality, but then goes
on to say that we already do as a form of
defense for doing it yet again.

Just because we do something, does it mean
we should do it again? Somehow there seems
to me to be a fault in that logic, even
though I know that our courts work on just
those types of arguments.

We seem to value what has come before,
but we also seem to cherry pick what
we value, based on whatever it is that
we seek to create in the present.

This particular school district is doing
their own form of cherry picking from
the past to attempt to legislate the
actions they deem best, as a RE-action
to behaviors they think are problematic.

Behaviors that are moderated often don't
help when the cause remains untouched.
In one interview in the piece a woman
says if the law gets involved it might
give people an incentive to act. While
I wouldn't necessarily disagree, there is
a bigger issue at hand that will remain,
even if the law is enacted.

Reacting to an issue isn't the same as
taking actions which focus on the source
of an issue. If parents aren't involved
with their kids' schooling, there could be
a number of issues that prevent it, and
those who just aren't interested in taking
part won't necessarily be making different
choices if threatened with a jail term.
One just has to look at the already
crowded jails to know that the threat of
incarceration isn't much of a deterrent
for what some segment of society considers
undesirable behavior.

There is a much bigger issue here, and
attempting to lawfully regulate something
that is already not working, based on what
has occurred in the past, with a disregard
for the cause of what is occurring in this
moment, could quite possibly make matters
worse.

What would this issue look like if those
who cared to make a difference stopped
reacting and stepped back and looked at
things for what they are, and made decisions
based on what could really make a difference
instead of affecting a superficially acceptable
outcome?

It might be worth considering that the video
says that the children who seem to do best
have involved parents. A parent forced into
taking an action like the one suggested does
not an involved parent make.
 

Why Do Things Happen as They Do?

Sometimes things that can be terrible tragedies
can create openings for things that are their
total opposite.

There is a story about a couple who met at an
anniversary event of the Lockerbie bombing,
and who got married in August.  They
were both children when they lost a parent
on the plane. Odds are likely pretty good that
neither parent knew the other, and they would
never have met, had the even not occurred.

From the sound of the article, there are other
close knit relationships that have come from
the resulting bonding.  It is difficult for me
to comprehend why certain things happen as they
do, and I can't help but wonder if there are
other ways that things could happen.  As much
as those people likely cherish the relationships
formed, I am sure they likely would have
preferred their loved ones still be here.

(This conversation reminds me of the movie
Sliding Doors.  Ever see it?  If not, if I had
a list of recommended movies, this one would
most certainly be on it.  It may make you think,
so don't watch it if you're wanting to avoid
having to think. ;)

In it you get to see the main character (Gwyneth
Paltrow) live out her life in two different ways,
one based on her catching a train, the other with
her missing it.  There are two Gwenyth's that know
nothing of the trials and tribulations of the
other.) 

There are times that we are very much aware of
what pain we have in our life, and perhaps the
thing in instances like that is that within
life there is both joy and sorrow, and we can
choose to focus on either one. 

That above mentioned couple chooses to focus
on their love, while still acknowledging what
has come before - and even building upon it. 
I don't imagine that sorrow and pain are meant
to be ignored or forgotten, and we'll likely
never know why things happen as they do.

And since events that we can't control, and
will possibly never understand, are likely to
continue to occur, it probably is not what
happens as much as what we do in relation to
what happens that matters.   As a result, our
actions and how we interact with the events
will ultimately make the difference in how we
experience life and what comes next.

Dance of the Dual Mind

There are times that people become affected
by suggestions and become dual minded.

A part of them wants the suggestion, and a
part of them wants it to stop.

Unless the part that wants them to stop acts
on the desire to stop, the part that wants
them to keep going will will.

Not only is it often is the path of least
resistance, it is also often (especially in
the erotic, hypnotic world) one full of
potential pleasure lost.

It might be difficult for the mind to
conceptualize that things can be different,
however in cases where there is a dual mind
odds are that a difference can be not only
a good thing, it can even be better than
what one thinks he has.

If you're conflicted, it might be time to
change song(s) and/or partner(s).

Give Yourself a Break

When you're in the middle of beating
yourself up, there is rarely any
rational thinking.

In the midst of pain, anger, and
disappointment it is easy to be
blinded to anything helpful.

It is the times in between those
moments that we have opportunities
for perspectives that will help us
at those times when we are our most
vulnerable.

Often we don't like that term:
vulnerable.  We don't like the
idea that we can't be as strong
as we need to be.  However consider
that by allowing yourself to have
support in a time of need, you are
making yourself strong.

Structures have supports that allow
them to stand, why would we think
that our structure isn't the same?

Why did we ever decide that we were
weak because we may at times be
stronger when supported?

Today I am thoughtful about this
because someone I know is having
a crisis and as I have helped, I
am reminded about how many humans
(including myself) can be.

We have trip wires that can be
counterproductive to what we think
we are doing while we are busy
beating ourselves up.

Sometimes you'll be your best self,
and it won't be "enough."

Sometimes you'll do the best you can,
and it won't be "enough."

Sometimes you'll do all that you are able,
and it won't be "enough."

Sometimes who you are won't fit the
situation in the way you think it needs
to for the outcome you desire.

Sometimes you'll want to control
everything, but feel like you control
nothing.

Sometimes life sucks.

Human beings sometimes strive for a level
of perfection that could never exist.  We
can never be all things to all people at
all times in all places...and yet, the
minute something goes wrong we kick
ourselves because somehow we should have
been able to be just that.

Even if we could somehow seem to be that
perfect, I suspect that there would be some
other standard above that, given the way we
seem to be wired.  So odds are we would
set ourselves up to fail, as we'd never
be enough as long as there is some standard
we haven't met, that we never could meet.

Sometimes our pain and grief and anger can
play a role in getting through, and sometimes
it is destructive.  Sometimes it can motivate,
other times it can make someone immobile.

I wish I knew how to "make things right" when
things seem to go wrong.  But...

Sometimes life will suck. 
Sometimes we will suck.
Sometimes we'll disappoint.
Sometimes we'll be disappointed.

We can demand all the certainty
we want in life.  The problem is: 
we live in an uncertain world.

The next time something happens
and you are tempted to beat yourself
up go a few rounds, if you must.

But realize that beating yourself
up doesn't change a thing on the
inside.  As odd as it may sound,
you are always likely doing the
best you can at any given moment.

Give yourself a break.

What a Great Idea | Video | Food Without Soil

I have heard that at the rate that we are growing things, we are
depleting the soil's nutrients.  It sounds troubling, and yet it
seems we keep going.

The video below apparently showcases an old idea that is getting
an opportunity in a 2010 setting on a rooftop in New York City.

As with anything, who knows what the good and the bad of
anything is, unless you're intimately involved, but it seems like
a solution that is worth looking into for a myriad of reasons,
and a variety of people.

Here is a case where it would seem that the change might just
do us some good.

Check it out:


Trouble Viewing? Click Here.

When it Gets Personal | Video

I have been hearing about how the light bulbs that we are currently
using are going to be phased out. In the back of my mind, I
imagined stocking up on a lifetime supply before they were no longer
available in stores. I also thought that the difference between the
new bulbs and old ones would only be how the top part of the
bulb looked, so I thought I would always have a choice: same
fixture, but using preferred bulb type.

I guess a part of me was apathetic about it all. It seemed to be
the way we were going, but it hadn't yet affected me.

That recently changed.

Where I live there is a requirement that lighting be more energy
efficient. I had hoped that I would have a choice, that perhaps
just the bulbs were going to be changed.

Sadly, I found out that the new fixtures are made differently than
the old ones because the bulbs are made differently. It makes me
wonder if it is a way of forcing people into using the new bulbs.

I am not one for much lighting to begin with, however I am now
seeking ways to have different lighting that isn't fluorescent. Yes,
the newer light bulbs aren't as hideous as what flourescents have
been in the past, but there are two main issues I have with them.

If you break one of these new light bulbs, you have a toxic mess on
your hands. There is an 11 step process for cleaning up the toxic
waste you now have in your home. In addition, apparently there
aren't clear cut disposal methods for these bulbs, so that mercury
is supposedly getting places where it shouldn't be. I also understand
that the bulbs are made overseas, so I cannot imagine that it is a
good thing that something that has become so crucial to our way of
life isn't even made here.

I am not sure I agree with everything said in this video, but here is
some interesting perspective on the topic:




The video below talks about the disposal of the bulbs and the dangers
of Mercury, and assures people that it is the "right" thing to do for the
planet. Wondering if they're hypnotized, or just want us to be?

Added to the Mercury Issue, which is no small one, is the fact that
there are many people who seem to be affected adversely by
fluorescent lighting. Those who aren't affected poo-poo it, and
make fun of those who are, taking this particular part of the issue
lightly. However, there does seem to be some credence to the
possibility that lighting like this can cause issues for some, and
this law takes away the ability for there to be other options, short
of going back to candlelight, or stocking up on incandescent light
bulbs, and holding onto older lamps and fixtures.

So now I am more aware of the situation, but don't know what if
anything can be done. I suspect that there are many who are like
me who were (and are) just bopping along, and won't care much
about this until it's too late.

For the moment, I will just write about this, and my concerns, and
see if anyone out there may have some thoughts. I am all for
helping the environment. I am just not sure that this is the way
to do it, and if anything, it seems like it might potentially cause
more harm than good because we are good about not caring about
those things that are outside of what we can see. Look at how we
already handle waste.

I was told that by making these changes, I would save on electricity.
I already was only using 2 of 4 bulbs that were in a couple of my
fixtures. Perhaps if we just cut back on what we had it would help,
too. The bulb legislation to me seems to be more of a reaction, and
about money than anything else.

Of course, we need to be led to believe otherwise.

Our country was founded on the freedom of choice, and it seems
to me that - in our best interests - our freedom to choose is being
taken away little by little. I can't imagine what is motivating the
people who are making these choices on our behalf. I'd like to give
the benefit of the doubt, but this does not seem thought through
for the best all round effect.

Ignorance and apathy only feed situations like this, and unless
something happens to alter the plan, the world in which we live will
be looking much different in just a few short years from now, and
that will likely just be the beginning. I am usually a pretty positive
person, but I don't even want to think about what repercussions this
may bring in ways we don't yet know or realize.

If you want someone to do something when they're hypnotized, you
give them only the choices you want them to have...and they may
be no choice at all. You can also get them to believe that the choice
they make is theirs, and that it is the one that is "best" for them.

When we no longer recognize our ability to have other choices it
verges on too late. However there are always other choices...we just
to have to allow ourselves to see them unfettered by the fog of
limitation that is often brought upon us by someone or something
else.

There is no question tough choices need to be made, but perhaps we
should consider that they need to be made more on a micro (personal)
level than a macro (government) one. Isn't that the way government
in this country is supposed to work any way?

Being responsible for our choices is different than being made to be
responsible. The minute human beings start to manipulate things is
the moment that other issues are likely to arise.

I'll leave you with this last thought about a bigger picture awareness
with smaller picture actions:

"Among the Indians there have been no written laws. Customs handed
down from generation to generation have been the only laws to guide
them. Every one might act different from what was considered right
did he choose to do so, but such acts would bring upon him the
censure of the Nation. This fear of the Nation's censure acted as a
mighty band, binding all in one social, honorable compact."
- Quote by Tecumseh, Shawnee Indian Tribe

How can we better honor ourselves and the world in which we live?

Life, Death & Regret

The health of the father of someone I know
is failing, potentially fast. He has been
on a roller coaster ride (both my friend
and his father) the last year and a half.

It has been difficult to watch what is
happening as a friend, and at a respectful
and yet hopefully supportive distance.

The issues of life and death are
difficult to address on so many levels,
and yet it is one that we all must face
in one way or another at one time
or another.

I don't know about you, but things like
this make me take a step back and look at
life. His father apparently feels much
regret for things not done, and what he
perceives to be his inadequacies.

I am sure it is easy to look back on
things and think "if only I..."

I can only imagine that things to get in
times like this include becoming more
aware of NOW of this moment, of making
choices suited to who and what we are
and who and what we want to be.

Being resigned and giving into what
might appear to be the futility of a
circumstance certainly doesn't seem
to give anyone anything but potential
fodder for future regret.

Taking responsibility for this moment
it would seem is one of the most
valuable things we can do for ourselves.
It allows us to see choices even when
it would seem none exist. At the very
least, we have the choice as to how we
handle a situation.

When we live life like there is always
another tomorrow, it can be painful to
realize that at some point tomorrows
run out.

I know someone who believes that not a
single moment of life is promised us,
and that having an appreciation of our
mortality, we will be able to more
fully embrace what we do right now.

I promised myself on the precipice of
a major decision that I would be
without regret - no matter what
happened. I wasn't happy with the
results, but the beauty of my promise
was that I fully embraced the moment -
warts and all, and can look back without
any regret about what I chose to do.

Had I decided not to take the action,
I suppose I could have made the same
promise, but I would have likely have
wondered, "What if...?"

I knew I didn't want to look back and
wonder "what if," and my promise kept
me from any potential regret from what
I chose to do.

It was one of the most powerful times
of my life, and a lesson that I have
never forgotten.

I do things sometimes that people
(myself sometimes included) don't
understand, but I am doing what I
feel in my heart I must do. I can
only hope when my departure time
comes it comes with me knowing that
I have done all that I could with
what I had.

It's hard to know what the best
and right thing is to do, but
when we listen to our heart, we
can find our own best direction.

I would suspect regret often is
a function of not listening to
that inner guidance, that nudging.

I would suspect our mind tries to
steer us to be logical in the face
of what might seem to make no sense,
only to later have to face - with
regret - the memory of an opportunity
lost.

We only get to be here together for
a relatively short time in the grand
scheme of things, so (while this may
sound like a greeting card) my wish
for you is a life filled with love
and purpose and devoid of regret.
 

(The History of) God in America (Probably not what you think) | Video

"I cannot give up my guidance to the Magistrate because he knows no more of the way to heaven than I do and has less concern to direct me right than I am to go right." -Thomas Jefferson

Apparently, we not only have Thomas Jefferson to thank for the Declaration of Independence, but also the First Amendment. At the time that he helped to forge the way to the amendment, he was helping a group of people who had specific religious beliefs, and while he claimed not to agree to the substance of what they said, he felt that he could and should defend their right to say it.

He believed that there was a bigger picture to the possibilities that existed in the relatively new world. He believed that LIBERTY could bind people together, and that specific religious beliefs weren't necessary. Up until that time the foundation was slowly being laid for a culture that felt that religion was necessary to hold the threads of society together.

The United States, and its people, were the "chosen" ones only as long as they did what they were "supposed" to under God. So all people were more than encouraged to play by the "rules." Saving its people was the way to save the culture that was developing. For that reason, those who didn't play by the rules needed to leave because the "world" was at stake.

The irony throughout time is that people made their way to this world in pursuit of freedom of expression, only to turn around desirous to halt other newcomer's expressions. It is highly unlikely that anyone has ever seen it that way. In addition, there have been people who have managed to look at the same things, and create different perspectives, and therefore different expectations and desires.

In watching God In America I was amazed to see history repeating itself over and over and over. The program itself never said it, but viewing what happened over time it became apparent that various generations came to the same places as those before them. It is also worthy to note that more than once those who were present at certain times in history (the Civil War, WWI) thought that Armageddon had come.

It became apparent to me through the twists and turns of the events and the historic "players" words and roles that religion itself didn't seem to be the "problem" as much as those who represented it. It is worthy to note that people always had the best of intentions in what they were saying and doing, but the idea that "good" only came in a religious form was something that got attached and hasn't been able to be successfully detached over time and, as a matter of fact, a strongly encouraged belief. There have even been times in history when it has been said that someone not religious was not patriotic.

When meanings and things get collapsed, that is when we have the greatest difficulty getting along with others who may have a different idea about how things should be. Also added to the mix was the idea of becoming "Modern." Some religions felt in the name of "progress" things should change. An interesting idea, to say the least. If an idea is a good one, does it have the ability to be dated?

God in America is about 6 hours long. A long time to sit and watch. What I found pretty cool is that on the page on the internet where you can watch the videos, they have the transcripts and a study guide and a group guide, among other things, for free. The show says that it took words from diaries and from history for those figures that it represents. It really seems more like a documentary than anything else, but if it has leanings, I would say that it doesn't make religions look all that great in how the people within them affect other people and ultimately society. It also shows how even though in this country religion and government are meant to be separate, there seems to be an inevitable possibility of a crossover.

I have heard about the Civil War in school, but never heard the idea before that it was a "religious" war, of sorts. The North thought slavery was demonic, the South thought it to be a part of God's gift/plan. Both sides were thought to believe that to preserve the world that God wanted them to have, they were required to pick up a gun and fight. Both sides thought that the other was breaking their agreement with God for this nation, and therefore the nation's relationship with God was in jeopardy.

It also discusses how schools came to be an important factor in creating "good citizens" by, of course, certain religious teachings.

I also have a new appreciation for Martin Luther King. They showed how he chose to stay outside of the circle of political power, instead of indulging in it like others had.

It covers the complexity of all of the issues in a way that makes so much sense and in a way that I have never been exposed to before. I watched the show with great interest over the course of just 2 days.

It is easy to lose track of why things are the way they are. I remember hearing a story about a woman who was cutting off the ends of a ham that she was making for a holiday dinner. When she was asked why, she said that is the way her mom always did it. When they went to the mom, the mom said it was the way her mother always did it. When they went to the grandmother and asked her why, she said it was so it would fit into the pan.

I think things like this create conversations that need to be had and encourage questions that need to be asked. People can believe and do and say whatever they like it this country and the liberty we have is pretty pure and simple, but it's the other stuff that can cloud what we do and how we do it.

Thomas Jefferson apparently had a great respect for mankind and is ability to choose wisely based on a value that all could agree upon, and appreciate. I can only hope that somewhere in the midst of everything that is happening we can find the way best to keep this great vision alive, believing in what wonderful things man is capable of, with or without a religious vision, or a belief in God.

If you have an opportunity to watch the series, please let me know what you think. I don't think it necessarily biased, but could see how some might say or think otherwise. I also realize when there is a bias sometimes it is so much of self that it is difficult to discern. Would love to hear YOUR thoughts.

To view (or explore) visit http://www.pbs.org/godinamerica/
 

Lost Track of Original Meaning

It often can be fairly easy
to lose track of the origin
of something.

Here is an example. Do you
know why brides wear white? You
may think you do, based on what
you've often heard. But here's
the "real" reason.

Perhaps this is a case where it
doesn't really matter that the
meaning has changed, just that
it has. Interesting to note,
none-the-less.
 

Separation of Church & State | Eloquent Kennedy | Video

In the last couple of days I have been watching
a PBS Series called God In America. There is
so much to say about the series, and once I
have completed watching, I will be posting about
it and my experience of it.

In the meantime, in viewing it, I became aware
of the talk below. I thought it eloquent and
very clear in its communication. Many of our
problems, it would seem, come from meanings we
have created and recreated over the years, but
more on that as soon as I can sort out my
thoughts on the series.

If you watch the video below, as always I would
love to know your thoughts. Many like to think
they know where to draw lines, but I have to
wonder what they are basing their choices on
and, if indeed, it is in the interest of the
many or if it really is just for a few.

The Relationship Body

"When you find your husband..(sic)
you have to be willing lose
yourself to become one with
him. Its (sic) not just YOU
anymore. Its US."
- AngelaSimmons on Twitter

I find it amazing how many
people believe this idea,
but then again enough people
say enough things at the
"right" time and those ideas
prevail.

Of course everyone is entitled
to his or her opinion, but I
have to wonder why people don't
consider that one can still
maintain oneself within the
body of a relationship.

To me, it's kinda like a physical
body. It has distinct parts.
Arms. Legs. Head. And so on.
And each part has parts.

Each part has a distinct role
within the body, and while
occasionally parts can play
other roles, the body has a
master design that works for
a majority of people.

Of course if an arm or a leg
was trying to be off doing
its own thing, it could be
trouble for the body. However,
for many the arm and the leg
function as it should, and
within the context of the body.

It keeps its role without
losing itself and maintains
itself within the overall
framework that has been
created.

Might it not make sense to
consider relationships in this
context? Perhaps one does not
need to lose oneself as much as
one might need to respect the
relationship "body."

Just a couple of my cents,
with inflation, who knows
what they're worth? But
they're yours to do with
what you will. :)

Have a great night.
 

No Instruments? No Problem. | Video

The environment on the subways of NYC is certainly
one of many things and experiences.

I have many stories of time spent commuting
when I lived there. Some things were anything
but desirable, while others were downright
awesome. This video seems to have filmed one
of those pretty awesome ones (although I
imagine there could have been some who felt
assaulted, as can happen with unwanted
"entertainment.")

It is also a great story. Funny how
sometimes we get more attention when
things are less than "perfect." Good
for these guys that they didn't easily
give up. Who knows what's next? But
it looks like they're having some fun
along the way, despite the pretty big
bump in the road.
 

Quite a Feat: Tunnel | Video

So today there was notable news around
the Alps. Apparently when all is said
and done, they will have the longest
tunnel in the world.



It is being built as a way to keep the
roads clear, as well as provide a
railway for freight trains and passenger
trains, as well.

Is it just me, or does anyone else
wonder if things like this are a good
thing?

It kind of reminds me of someone who
has a small house, and has a few things.
They get a few more things, and a few
more until they need to eventually get
a new house to fit all of their things.

Of course another option would be to
get rid of some things, but most opt
at least metaphorically to take up
more space. Each time the available
space is used up, a bigger place is
required.

We don't often think about running out
of space, as the mentality often is that
we can always do, get, be more.

What happens when the roadway and the
tracks aren't enough? What's next?
When does there's always more become
no more?
 

It Gets Better...? | About Being Who You Are | Video

With the recent number of deaths of
teens who have been bullied, there
has been an outpouring of videos that
speak to how "it gets better."

Most of the cases have been children
who are GLBT, however it isn't universal
as bullying in general seems to be a
big problem.

What I find interesting about all of
those who are speaking to how it gets
better is that even though they are
talking about issues that relate to
not fitting in and being bullied in
regard to being GLBT, but it the
message fits for more than just them.
It fits for so many who don't feel
like they fit, or made to believe
that they are a misfit in some way.

There are things about myself that I
used to want to hide when I was
growing up...things that made me
different...things that I now revel
in because they are the things that
make me, ME.

It has taken time to find that
perspective, and to appreciate who
I am, and sadly the kids who take
their own lives will never get a
chance to see how wonderful their
uniqueness truly is.

Many adults - as good as they may
say life comes to be - even struggle
to be who they truly are. For some,
the stigma may have faded, but the
scars remain. For others, there is
a constant struggle to stay within
the range of what is considered the
norm and acceptable.

While I do not have statistics, I
am fairly certain that the problems
highlighted by these recent events
are not unique to a particular
demographic. I am fairly certain
that lives are lost every day and
new pains inflicted everywhere -
we just don't hear about it all.

Being true to oneself is one of the
best things that we could ever do,
but it is also likely to be one of
the most difficult especially when
someone is in your face, tormenting
you. Is it no wonder that many
adults have difficulty being who
they truly are after a foundation
of being told that who they are is
not good, right, perfect, etc...?

Who we are is built on the foundation
what has come before. If we are
unable or unwilling to discover what
is in that unconscious foundation, we
just build over it and pretend that
everything is OK when it really isn't.

Every day I hear people tell me that
they want something that will
effectively cover up something they
don't like. Often they don't realize
that that approach won't net them what
they want, and might likely cause more
problems.

So the adults have issues that haven't
been dealt with, and the adults are in
some ways no better equipped to deal
with things than their kids. We are
taught many things in school, but not
taught about ourselves.

My heart goes out to anyone who is, or
has been, affected by bullying of any
sort, for any reason. It just goes to
show we have a long way to go...and
very little to go on to get there.

While programs like "It Gets Better"
are not likely to stop the crisis,
every little bit can help as conversation
helps to create an awareness, and with
awareness comes opportunity.

Below is the video that prompted today's
thoughts. If you have the time, consider
watching, and see if there is anything
you might get out of it for yourself, or
someone you care about.

On Questioning the Labels & Silencing the Opposition

Bill O'Reilly has reportedly said,
"The truth is that if moderate
Muslims all over the world would
stand with Americans against
radical Islam, the terrorists
couldn't exist. But obviously,
that is not happening."

I heard about his appearance on
The View, and how there was much
controversy over his handling of
the subject of Muslims. For some
reason, I didn't want to be drawn
into the drama, so I didn't pay
much attention at first.

However today I saw the above
comment, and that stood out as
something to address. As with
many things, there are complicated
webs that we weave around them,
and it is often very easy to lose
sight of the things that we should
truly be addressing.

So while the issue may seem to be
about one thing, it might actually
be about something else, and while
there is indeed a bigger conversation
to be had in regard to the topic,
that is not my intention here.

My intention is to look at the above
statement - and question it in a
broader way. I am not sure how he
thinks that a matter can just be
handled in the manner that he seems
to think it can be.

Just because we don't want things in
our world doesn't mean that others
agree. It also doesn't mean that
they can be stopped from their
expression, whether it is violent,
or otherwise - much to the chagrin of
almost any human being who is passionate
about something.

Yes, we can collectively work together,
but there will always be someone labelled
similarly to us, who will vary from us.
Given human nature, one might make broad,
sweeping statements about the label that
are unfair and unjustified in some cases.
It can go either way - making the "good"
look "bad" or the "bad" look "good."

There are those who might be quick to label
me, and some of what I do, as "bad," but
they would likely be people who have no
clue who I am. Those who have taken the
time to get to know who I am know that I
have the best interest of those I speak
to at heart.

However, someone who lumped me into the
bunch of "bad" people would likely have
little desire to get to know the real me
and how I may vary from their preconceived
notions.

It is that willingness to label and box in
people and situations that will get us into
trouble more times than not. When people
speak, others listen.

Bill O'Reilly may have a point that needs
to be heard and addressed, but the problem
is that it may be lost when there are
sweeping statements that are made that
cause others to get riled up in unhelpful
ways.

People don't always do what we want them to
do, or speak the way we think they should,
and in some ways, that can be a good thing -
as long as we continue to think for ourselves
in the process, and be careful about reacting
to the things we think we know.

I realize in today's world that is a tricky
proposition, however, if the way we choose to
interact with it is by addressing how we
silence the perceived opposition (which could
include the radical Islamists or Bill O'Reillys
of the world), rather than finding a way to
interact with them, we will have a much bigger
problem on our hands.

It might be worth considering that the
opposition isn't our enemy, as much as the
silence is.

It also may be worthy of note that trying to
silence a perceived problem by trying to
stamp it out rarely - if ever - works.
Just ask King George III.
 

Power of Association: The GAP Scrap

Recently GAP decided to change their logo,
and the discontent and uprising that resulted
was huge that they changed their mind.

Some may wonder why the big reaction.
Certainly in a world that faces many
significant issues, one might wonder
why a changed graphic would elicit
such a response.

Marketers and advertisers will tell
you that it has to do with the meaning
that the logo has for those who are
interested in the brand, and it would
seem to be correct.

However, it cuts even deeper than
what that sounds like. After all,
where does the meaning come from?
Likely some unconscious place.

The unconscious likes the sameness of
things. It never wants to mess with
the comfort of the status quo.

When people react in the way they did
with GAP, what they likely don't
realize is that, despite what they're
saying and may believe, their actions
are dictated by the part of them that
wants to stay stuck in the known.

I have to wonder if people realized
that happened if they would continue
to respond to things as they do, or
if they would better be able to put
the use of their energies and attentions
into perspective with the other things
in the world.

It is much more powerful to act than
react. I'd be willing to bet that
most who responded to the news
reacted, and the reason I say this
is because if one takes a step back,
s/he would realize that in the grand
scheme of things, it doesn't really
matter what the graphic looks like.
Whatever meaning has been assigned to
the graphic should still hold true
for the brand that these people
appreciate, regardless of how it is
packaged.

Is it no wonder that companies and
brands spend millions on something
we can often unconsciously manipulated by?
 

Truth, Lies, Acceptance & Respect

Gavin Rossdale has admitted to being with a man.
Apparently, his wife Gwen Stefani didn't know
to what extent.

I hope when everything is said and done all will
be well between the two of them. I know many
people who would prefer the truth to a lie, but
not all would be truly OK with truth, which is
what often leads people to lie.

It is most unfortunate that people feel the need
to lie about things so that they can be accepted.

In Gavin's case, he probably figured it was the
past, and didn't want it to influence his present
possibilities. To some degree, in the culture in
which we live it would seem to make sense to cover
that tidbit up. However the question becomes
which is worse: the lie or what happened?

As for myself, I like to know what I am walking
into. If one truly has a love and respect for
another, much is possible, and sometimes the
things that happen for me are what others would
deem impossible.

Until we as a culture of people can find a way
to embrace people for the whole of who they are,
we unfortunately should expect situations like
these. The irony is, though, that even though
there are some that are more open and accepting
than others, we've been trained to believe
otherwise.

So many times I will say something, and mean it,
and I am still treated as though I said something
else, or that I couldn't possibly mean what I
have said, or that it must be a trick or a
manipulation. After all, that is a ploy that
is used by some - who aren't telling the truth,
either.

In a world with respect, we will respect each
other enough to tell the truth, AND respect the
other enough to choose what works for them, even
if it's not what we would like, want, or hope for.

In my estimation, anything less is to some degree
swimming against the tide and forfeiting a part of
ourself and those we love and care about. Is it
OK? That is only for you to decide. Everything
has a cost.

In the end, is it worth it?
 

Knowing When to Say When VS Til Death do We Part

Courtney Cox and David Arquette have split up.
Have you heard? Odds are most anyone reading
this couldn't care less about what the two of
them do, or don't do.

However, I found it interesting to see the
reaction of people to David's statements on
the Howard Stern Show.

What I find interesting is people judging
David and Courtney's reaction to each other.
I suppose there is no surprise there, given
how much people tend to judge.

However, what I experience when I read the
details are two people who seem to care very
much about each other as well as themselves.
Some might call that selfish, and label it
a bad thing.

The problem, as I see it, is that when one
starts to say "This is what's WRONG with you,"
it is never productive and can often lead
to potential stifling behavior. If it is
kept up long enough it can lead to passive
aggressive behavior, resentment, and other
types of things that aren't necessarily
healthy or helpful to an individual, or
a relationship.

I see what they are doing as quite healthy,
as it is allowing the other to be who the
other wants to be for their own best well
being and happiness. Yes, relationships
involve some level of compromise, but if
in the process of compromising, a person
is compromised, the relationship also will
also likely be, ultimately.

In a relationship, a person has various
options to interact with the other person,
none of which involves changing the other's
habits or personality. It all needs to
come from within, and while perspective
shifts can happen, they often don't, and
it's not necessarily because either party
is selfish. It might be that it's just
time to make a change.

Yes, relationships take work, but there
comes a time for some that "working on it"
ceases to work any more. When that happens,
the two people involved can love each other
enough to know that the time has come to
love one another at a distance, and that
can be the greatest gift of love that anyone
could ever give.
 

So You Think You Know (Do You?)

Recently someone told me that he didn't
know what to tell someone in regard to
a situation, and he was quite frustrated
because it was apparent that the other
person wanted to talk.

I asked if he knew what the other person
wanted to talk about, and he had some
idea, and speculated about what the
details could be. Based on what he
speculated, he wasn't sure what could
be said.

The fact was while he had some idea, he
didn't really KNOW what the other person
would say, and because of that he truly
didn't know that he didn't know what to
say. Had he been willing to have a
conversation with the person (and at the
time he wasn't) he might have discovered
that he would uncover exactly what needed
to be said because the interaction with
the other person would have brought to
the conversation whatever needed to be
discussed.

The interaction would have been like
a scientific experiment. It would
have brought two things together into
something with a different characteristic
than the two things have when separate.
Not knowing what that would be (as organic
as situations like that can be), one
could only guess at what might be the
outcome, and quite possibly be incorrect.

It is interesting to think we know things
when we really don't. Even more interesting
is to jump into these situations with an
open mind and without any particular
expectation. One never knows what can
happen in cases like that. Granted, that
is the fear that holds people back, but is
also the possibility of something wonderful,
as well.

So the next time you think you know something
and it holds you back or frustrates you,
consider that you may not know anything at all,
or that what you "know" is taking you to the
wrong destination because the information (or
interpretation of the information) is faulty.

For those of you who are perfectionists
and/or those of you who have to have
everything figured out, this will quite
possibly be a challenge to do. I promise
you, though, if you listen to your heart
and let it lead it will help out that head
of yours, should you be willing to take
the leap.

By the way, I know *wink* what I am talking
about, as I used to be one of those types
of people. I still have my moments, but
I have been amazed how walking into a
situation without everything figured out
can net some wonderful results.

As always, just a little something to
consider as you wind your way through life.
 

A Good News Report (Wow!) | Video

I am impressed. Sorry to think it's just a news
segment among many pieces of not so good news,
but it is a start! I wonder if other places do
something similar that I have yet to see.

There is a station in Iowa (KCCI) that has such
a thing, and they reported on a man who lost his
business due to a flood, and was aided by his
competitors as he attempted to keep his
business going, and revive. (Click for video/story)

As impressive, if not more so, is the news itself.
In a world where money and greed and selfishness
all too often take center stage, it is so nice to
see someone helping another because they can,
regardless of how it may seem to affect them, or
their bottom line.

Of course, one might wonder if there is good PR
value in it for them. But you know what...?
So what if there is. The best part of it all
was already accomplished. Another person's
well being was considered and aided.

If you know of other things like this, please
let me know. I would love to hear of more good
deeds. We hear so much about the not so good
stuff, I'd love the counterbalance.
 

Not Alone | Video

Even with our perceived differences - we are
often very much alike.

With the death of the Rutgers' student recently,
there has been a surge of messages for those
children who are LGBT and are struggling due
to teasing, intolerance, and tormenting of others.

Interestingly, Lance Bass said that when he was
younger, he even played the role of a tormentor
which gives some credence to the idea that there
is a possibility that those who mock something
or someone likely have something going on
personally in regard to an issue. Look at those
conservative politicians who say one thing, and
then get caught in less than conservative
compromising positions.

If people could feel more like they could be
themselves, there would be little (if any) reason
for things like this...in regard to LGBT issues,
or anything else - in regard to children, or even
adults.

When someone is in pain, it is difficult to see
the forest for the trees, but hopefully those
who stand up and tell their stories will help
those who are in the dark see a glimmer of light.

We all have something to offer, but all too often
it gets hidden behind things that really don't
matter all that much.

Tim Gunn PSA - It Gets Better @ Yahoo! Video

Delaware's Dilemma is Ours, Too

Interesting ad the following is.

Perhaps you have heard of Christine O'Donnell?

I don't know more than the snippets I hear
in the media, and am not sure I want to, LOL.

Apparently a video has surfaced that has her
speaking about Wicca or being a witch, or
something like that.

It doesn't really matter what the fact is for
the purpose of this entry because all I want
to say that if it says something about Wicca,
it is one very misunderstood practice.  It
is actually quite beautiful in how it looks
at things (at least from what I know of it).

As with anything, even the good can appear
bad depending on its use, and depending on
who's using it, and how.   Once again, we
should be careful about labels, as things
and people aren't always what the label
implies, and can even sometimes be mislabeled.

Christine makes a good point in the video
about how no one is perfect, however to
label witch as "bad" isn't necessarily a
solution in my mind, either.  Much that
isn't understood is labeled in such a way
that it is often feared, and sometimes
unnecessarily.

In some way the message of her video also
aligns with my previous blog entry.  In so
many ways we are alike, but it's hard to
remember that while the differences are
tearing us apart.

The voters of Delaware will do themselves
a favor by investigating the facts, and
also looking at the labels and what they
mean.  Taking things for granted (with
very few exceptions) is rarely helpful. 

I wonder what the outcome of the Delaware
election will be.  I wonder if any of
these types of things could be happening
to have us pay closer attention to the
things we believe, say, and do.  If so,
I am not sure if getting caught up in
certain pieces of what is going on is
productive as it can take the form of a
distraction, as we go off on paths that
divert us from the things that we should
really be paying attention to.

Not to say the details don't matter,
but sometimes being so focused on the
smaller pieces, we lose sight of the
bigger ones.  Given what is going on
the world-at-large, perhaps there is
a bigger picture we're missing? 

What do you think?

100% Certain. Really?

Had an interesting call recently.  It was one of
those pre-recorded deals.  Not sure why I was
on their list, and maybe *I* wasn't, maybe it
was for someone who used to have my number.

It was a guy's voice.  Very stern.  Sounded
like he was from Massachusetts.  He was saying
that it was "100% certain" that if I was over
60 years old and I was alone at home that I
would have a stroke, heart attack, accident,
or fall. 

He then was nice enough to repeat the "100%
certain" part.

He was selling fear in the guise of a home
alert system. 

Two questions that come to mind are:
* No one over 60 can live safely and without
incident? Really? (What about those under 60?
Are they not able to be scared or manipulated
as easily?  Nothing ever happens to them?)
* How can he be so certain that it *will*
happen, unless he is hypnotizing someone
into thinking it will happen?

It sounds to me like preying on a person's
fears, rather than helping to support
another and make a difference for someone
and their needs.

I am sure many things can be useful and
helpful, but I find some of these tactics
abhorrent...especially if words are used
to influence actions based on unconscious
fears.

Then he also said, "Press 1 for more
information now" 3! times.

Alert the fear, create a suggestive state,
tell the person what to do, and...wallah! 
You have a sale.  Yuck.

We gotta do better than this. I don't
usually say things like that.  But can't
we take better care of our neighbors
without scaring and manipulating them?

Maybe that's the problem.  I'm thinking
more of the people than the money.

What do you think?

How do you eat an elephant?

Artist Attribution
Sequoia Trees are huge trees, but they didn't get
that way over night.  Each moment another part of
the tree grew in relation to what was already there.

If what we are growing is something we want, it is
worth the wait, as there is a foundation for what
we come to have. 

Sometimes we just want to get things "over with"
because we don't want to face what seems to be the
enormity of it all.  It's too bad that things don't
often - and actually quite rarely - work that way.

At the same time, we underestimate the value of what
we are building upon. It is a paradox that one is never
at a destination without simultaneously beginning a
new journey.  If unable to see that, what is happening
might seem like one very long, overwhelming journey
in which you never feel like you are making any progress.

Journeys have unexpected events.  It is inherent in
what a journey is about.  No way to truly know
something until you are in the midst of it.

As with pretty much everything, how we interact
with things in life can also apply to one's hypnotic
experience.  I often find that there is an impatience
on some people's part for things to happen.

The best thing you can do is take one step at a
time, and interact with things as they happen.
You could anticipate what you think might happen,
but odds are you still may be surprised, and the
moment will take care of itself.  It can be times
like that that magic seems to happen.

Allowing life (or a hypnotic experience) to unfold
can be quite difficult if you always want things
figured out before you even start.  About the only
thing that you can have some certainty about from
moment to moment is that you will take the next step
along the way, and while there may be some leaps,
most of them will be likely be small; and I bettcha
if you do that you'll be exactly where you want to 
be before you know it. ;)

How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.

Things that make you go hmmmm...

People who know me know how much I get
upset when people are manipulated by the
likes of those who are adept at hypnotic
technique and NLP.

Occasionally I will see something that I
think is questionable. I know exactly what
the person is doing, and it troubles me.

For instance, I once saw a blog entry about
the "dangers of conversational hypnosis"
which ever so conveniently linked to a
program on how to do conversational
hypnosis. How much you want to bet it's an
affiliate link?

When you tell someone about something like
this, the danger almost always often is a
call to investigate further.

I have said for quite some time that people
CAN be manipulated with hypnotic technique,
and it concerns me that there are those who
are teaching others how to do it, claiming
that it's not the tool that is troubling,
but the people who use it. I even heard one
such person's audio which said that if you
were unethical you should not buy his program.

All I can say to that is, "Puhleassse." If
someone didn't know what he was doing, they
might think how wonderful that he was discouraging
misuse. Do you really think someone unethical
would care about what he was saying? Besides
the fact that how he was saying it, was only
encouraging anyone and everyone listening to
buy his offering.

And all I can say to you is do what you can
to become aware about what is possible. The
more aware you are, the less likely it is
that you could be manipulated. Sadly, I do
not believe there is any way to truly and
completely guard against abuse, but it is a
start.

Be well and be safe.

A Good Kind of Exhaustion

Have you ever really wanted something really bad?

Have you done all that you could to make it happen,
even if didn't? Have you said all there is to
say?

I came across this today, and I thought it an
interesting statement that I made to someone in
a letter:

"I have done all that I can. I have exhausted
every avenue, every option, every street, every
thing...so much so I stand here feeling empty
and yet complete."

The beauty is that it was a situation that I
very much wanted to turn out differently than it
did, however I found peace in the fact that I
said and did everything I could.

Communication is a beautiful and powerful thing.

Tornado Meets Volcano* | Video

Ask anyone who has been in an abusive relationship why they
stayed, odds are if they didn't say something like, "I love her,"
he would likely tell you he didn't know why.

Dysfunction of any type that has this "pull," seems inexplicable,
seems unable to escape or change, has its own polarity and
magnet...and it is called the unconscious or subconscious.

It is the part of the person that drives them to do certain things,
even if they are violent or hurtful to one's self or others.

I don't know that I could say this is a 100% kind of way,
however it would seem to me to be a very high percentage of
the time.

For some, love is pain.  Love is arguing.  Love is fighting and
making up.  The definition of love depends very much on the
individual's experience of what s/he believed to be love, and
the associations s/he made.  The person then makes choices
to find love in the only way it knows how. 

(There are other factors, as well...hard to have a comprehensive
conversation of a complex topic in a short blog entry.)

Eminem's song/video below is intense.  It speaks to the most
violent of relationships, however, there are all kinds of abuse,
and some of the worst isn't even as obvious as being mistreated
physically.  Just because there is no physical experience of
mistreatment doesn't mean that a person isn't mistreated.

Some people are good at manipulating others with just their
words...and it's a form of influence, and perhaps even hypnosis
of the non-trance kind.  When that is added to the mix it
becomes a form of suggestion, and makes a bad situation
even more difficult to extricate oneself from. 

Some people may read this or view the video and go, "huh?"
I noticed there were some comments on YouTube, as some
didn't understand that message of the music.  In some way
they may even be like those who believe they could never be
hypnotized to do something detrimental and believe that
hypnosis isn't really real, and don't understand how some
could get into the difficulties they do.

Hopefully they will never truly understand the message from
a personal experience point of view, but perhaps they can
still have some form of understanding and/or compassion
for another who knows all too well what it means.



If you find yourself stuck, you CAN get unstuck.  Is it likely
to be easy?  Probably not...but with enough desire, you can
find your way.  Better yet, afterward you'll wonder why you
didn't leave sooner.  When that happens celebrate the
perspective, and be kind to yourself...you did the best you
could with who you were at that moment in time.

*curious about the title of this blog?  Be sure to watch video,
reference at 3:19.

Give Yourself a Break

When you're in the middle of beating
yourself up, there is rarely any
rational thinking.

In the midst of pain, anger, and
disappointment it is easy to be
blinded to anything helpful.

It is the times in between those
moments that we have opportunities
for perspectives that will help us
at those times when we are our most
vulnerable.

Often we don't like that term:
vulnerable.  We don't like the
idea that we can't be as strong
as we need to be.  However consider
that by allowing yourself to have
support in a time of need, you are
making yourself strong.

Structures have supports that allow
them to stand, why would we think
that our structure isn't the same?

Why did we ever decide that we were
weak because we may at times be
stronger when supported?

Today I am thoughtful about this
because someone I know is having
a crisis and as I have helped, I
am reminded about how many humans
(including myself) can be.

We have trip wires that can be
counterproductive to what we think
we are doing while we are busy
beating ourselves up.

Sometimes you'll be your best self,
and it won't be "enough."

Sometimes you'll do the best you can,
and it won't be "enough."

Sometimes you'll do all that you are able,
and it won't be "enough."

Sometimes who you are won't fit the
situation in the way you think it needs
to for the outcome you desire.

Sometimes you'll want to control
everything, but feel like you control
nothing.

Sometimes life sucks.

Human beings sometimes strive for a level
of perfection that could never exist.  We
can never be all things to all people at
all times in all places...and yet, the
minute something goes wrong we kick
ourselves because somehow we should have
been able to be just that.

Even if we could somehow seem to be that
perfect, I suspect that there would be some
other standard above that, given the way we
seem to be wired.  So odds are we would
set ourselves up to fail, as we'd never
be enough as long as there is some standard
we haven't met, that we never could meet.

Sometimes our pain and grief and anger can
play a role in getting through, and sometimes
it is destructive.  Sometimes it can motivate,
other times it can make someone immobile.

I wish I knew how to "make things right" when
things seem to go wrong.  But...

Sometimes life will suck. 
Sometimes we will suck.
Sometimes we'll disappoint.
Sometimes we'll be disappointed.

We can demand all the certainty
we want in life.  The problem is: 
we live in an uncertain world.

The next time something happens
and you are tempted to beat yourself
up go a few rounds, if you must.

But realize that beating yourself
up doesn't change a thing on the
inside.  As odd as it may sound,
you are always likely doing the
best you can at any given moment.

Give yourself a break.

Truth & Context | Video

How we see anything often has to do with the
perspective we have. It is something
that I can appreciate more than ever as someone
who pays a lot of attention to words and context.
And my appreciation of the perspective of
perspective is why I can appreciate Colbert.

See if you might have the same appreciation
once you are done viewing the video below.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Lube Job
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

Some Memorial Day Perspective

I remember a time after the events of 2001
I was listening to the radio, and there
were people calling in, upset that the
troops weren't being supported.

I remember thinking at the time that I
didn't think that was the case, that it
was more that the ACTS of the troops
that were being questioned, and it was
translating for some into "the troops
aren't being supported."

BIG difference.

One can support a person but not their
actions. One can love another, but not
love what they do. One can consider
an action a failure without needing to
attribute the adjective to the person
involved.

Here is another example of a "collapsed"
way of thinking. Our lives are filled
with examples, and when thinking gets
collapsed in this way, it is often without
a positive outcome as it can set up
disappointment, expectations,
misunderstandings, among other things.

Given that it is Memorial Day, and there
are some who might take issue with what
our military as a whole does, one can
use today as a reminder to remember and
respect other fellows of mankind.

I'd like to believe that we could have
a world without the military and guns
and violence however, I am not sure how
we get there. In the meantime, though
we can honor those in the military
without necessarily honoring the parts
of the profession we may take issue with.

Some would say that we learn from the
things that happen to us. We can
appreciate day more because we have
night. When we take day and night
for granted, though, it is difficult
to see that we should have that
appreciation because it is just what
"is."

We can accept things as "is," or we
can use them to have us question things.
We can use them to have us see what
is important, to help us make the
choices that can make a difference.

And we can do it with a healthy
respect for others, and their choices.

Lots of love and respect to those
veterans who may be reading this, as
well as to those who currently serve.