Brilliance | Quote

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There's Always More

My friend, who went to a National Park, was
telling me some more stories of things that
happened in his travels.

One interesting tidbit was when he was hiking
one day. He had spent 7 hours hiking up, and
was on his way down. He was tired, wet (there
were some beautiful waterfalls) and sweaty.
He was in a hurry to get to where he could
take a shower, relax, and take care of himself.

He passed a couple with a young child, and
as he passed, going pretty quickly, the
woman made some snide remarks about how
beautiful things were, and about how one
couldn't take the time to actually look,
"of course" referring indirectly to my
friend.

Now while she may have had a well intentioned
point, and while there may be some that will
ignore the surrounding beauty and plow through,
that certainly wasn't the case with my friend.
He even had 100s of pictures to prove that he
had taken his time and enjoyed the beauty.

It made me think about perspective, and how
we can be so sure of another person's
experience when, in fact, we haven't got
a clue. But that doesn't stop us from treating
a person according to our perception.

As common as this is, it is something that is
often overlooked when we are caught up in our
own head and own perspective. If she had
known what my friend's experience was, and
how he was feeling at that moment she may have
not been so quick to judge, and may have even
been glad to know that he had had such a great
day and would have been glad to know that he
was getting to where it was best for him to
be as expediently as possible.

It makes me wonder how often we assign negativity
to something that actually is quite positive.

I wonder if you caught something about the
situation and what I wrote. To some degree
the representation of the events makes it seem
like she was the "bad" guy, while what she
said may have not been targeted toward him
at all, but rather a coincidence of timing.

There is no way to know, and that is part of
the point. However, there may be times we
could be correct, but in times like those,
I seriously doubt a snide comment is going
to have a great impact on another - at least
not in a positive way.

If a person's intention is to be heard, it is
best to speak in a way that another would be
willing to listen, and making someone feel
guilty or bad or wrong for what they've done
may kick in the defense mechanisms. It could
also have a deafening effect or create the
antithesis of the desired result.

I suppose the point is to take in more than
just what is perceived in the moment. There
is likely to be more going on in that person's
world and mind than is readily apparent.

Perhaps it should be even taken a step further.
Perhaps it is none of our business what is
going on in that person's mind and world -
unless they want us to know and/or care what
we may have to say or do about it.

Funny thing is, though...if that was the case,
there wouldn't be much news to report, no gossip
shows or media websites. Wow. We might find
that we need to focus on ourselves and our world
instead. Wouldn't THAT be something?

(Yes. I know there is more to the picture.
There always is.)

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Brighter than the Sun | Video

Here's a catchy song to start your weekend
off with. In addition, it is my wish for
anyone who may be struggling in a relationship,
or without one. We all deserve to have the
wonderful feelings that love shares with us.



Enjoy.
 

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Perspective on Points of View | Quote

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Grabbing onto the Moment | Video

I have come to really appreciate country music in
the last few months. Some have said country doesn't
sound so country these days. Maybe that is why
something I never used to pay much attention to
now has my interest.

Any which way, I do feel that country songs have a
lot to say. The video below is about not letting
something slip through your fingers. The video is
about a man and a woman, but it is a message that
could apply more broadly to opportunities in your
life.

See what you think.

As She's Walking Away - Zac Brown Band - Zac Brown Band Videos

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The Only Worry in the World... | Video

I love this line...

"The only worry in the world
is the tide gonna
reach my chair"

Wouldn't it be great if we
had a world that was even
remotely close to being that?

Here's to all of those
wonderful get lost,
peaceful moments.



Want one of your own?
Call me!
 

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On Love Language & Life

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Don't Feed the Animals

A friend of mine was telling about a visit
to some of our national parks. He told me
that park rangers were telling visitors
not to feed the animals, and they were
explaining why it was not a good idea.

The reasons had to do with what might not
seem obvious, but are detrimental and
undesirable results.

1. If bears and other threatening animals
were to get used to human food, they would
come after it more, and come closer to
humans that they could hurt. When that
happens, apparently they have to shoot the
animals. Not to mention that people have
been hurt/attacked because bears are
comfortable around people, and are looking
for food.

2. If birds that feed off of seeds in
trees were being fed by humans they wouldn't
do their "thing" with the seeds that ultimately
helps the forest to continue, as part of it
has to do with seeds that wind up planted and
growing into new trees.

3. If the animals get used to being fed
human food they will not do what they need
to do to survive the winter, when humans
are not around to feed them. They become too
dependent on a behavior that is short sighted,
and will ultimately cost them their life.

In addition, human food is not good for the
animals, any way.

People who visit the parks are told these
things, and then guess what many of them do.

They feed the animals!

It seems to me a bit like how our unconscious
and conscious minds work. We may know something
is not in our best interest, but we do it any
way because there is something about what it is
that gives us something (very much in the way that
feeding the animals gives us something, it also
takes away something in the process).

It also occurs to me that when we are challenged
it helps us to grow. If someone makes it easy
on us, we may not do what we need to do to grow
ourselves or be able to do what we need to do
when we need to do it.

Some might even encourage dependence for some
self serving reason that could be conscious or
unconscious. From everything in life we get
something. If we didn't get it, we wouldn't
do it.

Maybe it pays to take a step back every now and
again and see what we are doing that might not
be so great for us or those we love. Then, if
we do recognize something that might be worth
changing, considering doing something about it
before we are attacked or die (metaphorically
speaking, of course).

We like to act like things don't matter. But
we could be wrong. We could be very wrong.
Is the cost of our self centered actions
based on little more than arrogance - and
potential denial - worth it?

This is not to say that everyone is this way
in regard to everything. But every day there
is news of those things that didn't matter
having adverse effects for those who are near
enough to be affected. One might think if
they're not near, they're safe. But we're all
connected, and sooner or later the effect could
trickle down. So why not reconsider some of
our assumptions and make some changes before
it's too late to know what "suddenly" hit us?

I don't know about you, but it saddens me to
see that collectively in some way, every day
we are whittling away the world with our shrugs
and myopic vision. And yes, some may say otherwise,
but tell me: is it an argument worth winning when
it may often be difficult to tell the effects of
today's actions today, and tomorrow may be too late?

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Discord & Love | Quote

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Love & Detours

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If this is true | Video

If this video is of something that isn't fake
(as some claim), it is pretty cool. However
it makes me wonder, if they can do "anything,"
can they do people, too?



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When it Rome...?

I was reading an article about how NYC has
a rule about signage being in English that
hasn't really been enforced. However now
they feel it would be to the benefit of
those in the neighborhoods and in the fire
and police services to have the signage in
a way that can be understood by those who
speak English.

It raises an on-going question about language
in this country. I remember walking through
a part of Queens in the NYC area called Astoria
a few years back, and you wouldn't have known
you were in the US. It was (and maybe still
is?) a VERY Greek neighborhood.

Another time I was on the subway, and I over-
heard approximately 4 conversations on my
ride, none of which were English, all of which
were different. At the time I marveled at how
all of these people from different places
could come together in a place like NYC.

I also spent some time in Europe at one point
and was around people who didn't speak English.
While I appreciated those who did, I tried to
learn a few words to be able to communicate in
the language of the land.

While I know there are some who might take
great objection to what I am about to say,
it seems to me that when in Rome, one should
do as the Romans do. Or, in this case, when
in America, do as the Americans do.

Of course, there will be some who will say
they are American, and not speak much English
at all. However, the country as we know it was
founded with English speakers, and has had English
as a predominant language for quite some time.

At the core of what I believe is a necessity
for us to be able to communicate effectively
with one another. If I was going to go live
in France, I would expect to learn the
language so I would know and understand
what was going on, and how to communicate
with others.

It just makes sense to me that we have a
difficult enough time communicating with
each other in the same language we don't
need added complications of different
languages.

I am not saying that people should forget their
own language, or stop speaking it, but when
out amongst others, it would be really great
if we had some way to communicate effectively
without having to go through hoops and
legislative and politically correct dances.

As with anything I say, my mind is open to
other possibilities. I just don't know what
they are at the moment, and present my case
based on my own experience and perspective
as well as a desire to be able to communicate
with those around me.

Interestingly, when I was in a Home Depot in
California, I was looking for something, and
couldn't find it. I asked someone for help,
and he only spoke Spanish. I could have
found someone else, but I was attempting to
step up to the challenge, and was seeing if
I could communicate in Spanish what I needed.

I was unsuccessful, and also grateful that
there was someone I could speak with and
effectively communicate what I needed.

As a tool, I'd say language has an ability to
either pull us apart or help us come together,
and it isn't so much the language itself as it
is those who use it.

If those who use language had more of a desire
to be able to be understood by (and to understand)
others, I think we could find a way to make things
work without having to resort to the negativity
that surrounds this topic. When living in the
NYC area, I had friends who spoke Spanish.
Occasionally I would try to speak to them in
their language (to help me keep what I knew and
learn more) and at times we'd speak English, and
I'd help them to better learn the language.

In this country we have freedom, and perhaps it
is in part because we are able to have a common
and understood (well, mostly) framework in which
to work. If we can't understand each other,
how well can it work, really?

I find sometimes that divisions only divide us.
I am not saying we shouldn't appreciate our
differences, but when we come together it would
seem to be to our benefit to be able to find
a workable middle ground, and that doesn't
always mean we'll be balanced. Sometimes it,
like any relationship, will seem to favor one
or the other party. Done right, though, the
resulting balancing act will be to the benefit
of all.

At least in my opinion. What's yours?

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It's Relative | Video

Much of our experience of life
comes from the perspective(s) we have.

Idiots with Zoe Saldana & Kate Bosworth from Zoe Saldana

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Have you found joy in your life?

Recently I watched the movie The Bucket List.

In it, there was a scene in which there was
a discussion about what Egyptian's believed
happened when you got to heaven. Apparently
it is believed that two questions are asked,
the answers of which determined whether or
not you would be admitted to heaven:

Have you found joy in your life?
Has your life brought joy to others?

It's an interesting set of questions. Sometimes
we are so focused on others, we lose sight of
ourselves and what makes us feel good. Sometimes
it seems easier to focus on others than it is to
look at our own life and what really works for us.

The irony is that we are likely better able
to bring joy to the life of others if we
feel it ourselves, first.

So...

Have you found joy in your life?
Has your life brought joy to others?

If not, what can you do to make that happen?
If you're not sure, maybe I can help. Talk
to me about it the next time we speak.

Have a great day!

Speak to me live

There's Always More

My friend, who went to a National Park, was
telling me some more stories of things that
happened in his travels.

One interesting tidbit was when he was hiking
one day. He had spent 7 hours hiking up, and
was on his way down. He was tired, wet (there
were some beautiful waterfalls) and sweaty.
He was in a hurry to get to where he could
take a shower, relax, and take care of himself.

He passed a couple with a young child, and
as he passed, going pretty quickly, the
woman made some snide remarks about how
beautiful things were, and about how one
couldn't take the time to actually look,
"of course" referring indirectly to my
friend.

Now while she may have had a well intentioned
point, and while there may be some that will
ignore the surrounding beauty and plow through,
that certainly wasn't the case with my friend.
He even had 100s of pictures to prove that he
had taken his time and enjoyed the beauty.

It made me think about perspective, and how
we can be so sure of another person's
experience when, in fact, we haven't got
a clue. But that doesn't stop us from treating
a person according to our perception.

As common as this is, it is something that is
often overlooked when we are caught up in our
own head and own perspective. If she had
known what my friend's experience was, and
how he was feeling at that moment she may have
not been so quick to judge, and may have even
been glad to know that he had had such a great
day and would have been glad to know that he
was getting to where it was best for him to
be as expediently as possible.

It makes me wonder how often we assign negativity
to something that actually is quite positive.

I wonder if you caught something about the
situation and what I wrote. To some degree
the representation of the events makes it seem
like she was the "bad" guy, while what she
said may have not been targeted toward him
at all, but rather a coincidence of timing.

There is no way to know, and that is part of
the point. However, there may be times we
could be correct, but in times like those,
I seriously doubt a snide comment is going
to have a great impact on another - at least
not in a positive way.

If a person's intention is to be heard, it is
best to speak in a way that another would be
willing to listen, and making someone feel
guilty or bad or wrong for what they've done
may kick in the defense mechanisms. It could
also have a deafening effect or create the
antithesis of the desired result.

I suppose the point is to take in more than
just what is perceived in the moment. There
is likely to be more going on in that person's
world and mind than is readily apparent.

Perhaps it should be even taken a step further.
Perhaps it is none of our business what is
going on in that person's mind and world -
unless they want us to know and/or care what
we may have to say or do about it.

Funny thing is, though...if that was the case,
there wouldn't be much news to report, no gossip
shows or media websites. Wow. We might find
that we need to focus on ourselves and our world
instead. Wouldn't THAT be something?

(Yes. I know there is more to the picture.
There always is.)

Speak to me live

Fix It | Video

So often we go looking to someone else to
"fix" things for us, or tell us how to
fix it for ourselves.

There are a few problems with this, as
first of all, who says a fix is needed?

Secondly, who says another's fix will
work for us?

There are so many people making money
these days by telling others about the
ultimate of fixes. It could be financial,
to lose weight, to stop stress, to be
successful. You name it.

People are told that the way to make
money is to fix another person's problem.
The problem is that if those fixes truly
worked then there really would be no more
problem to fix. Besides, you have to
show/convince them they have a problem
first.

And yet, there is book after book, video
after video, guru after guru telling you
how best to be and live your life. Those
who do the best job making it seem like
they're fixing your problem will likely
get your attention, but they also might
be a part of your disappointment when
it doesn't work, or part of your
rationalization when it doesn't work,
"I must have done it wrong," "what's
wrong with me, it didn't work, but it
did for others."

What if there was nothing wrong in
the first place? What if the failure
really was a lack of acknowledging
the self while paying attention to
another?

Those who will tell you the answer is
within you will likely frustrate the
hell out of you if you are in a place
of "I haven't got a clue!" At least
that is what has happened to me on more
than one occasion.

There have been times I have been desperate
for an answer, but there was no one who
could give it to me. The worst thing
someone can do for me is to try to give
me an answer that isn't for me. Ever
have that experience? You often know
what the answer is not, even if you don't
know what it IS.

Sometimes I think I give people the impression
that I know a lot, and perhaps I do. But
there are so many questions I have myself
about the things in life that just don't
seem to work.

What I am coming to realize is that we've
been hypnotized into believing that there
is an answer for everything. We have been
hypnotized to believe that things that don't
seem to work need to be fixed. We have been
hypnotized to believe that where we are in
this moment is not the right one, when in
actuality, it might be the perfect one.

Yes there are ways to look at things that
can help us move and do and be different -
if that is what WE want to do. But maybe
the key is to know - at least in some small
way - when it is a time to be in that place,
and bathe in it. Maybe we are exactly
where and how we need to be to get exactly
what we need. Some of the more challenging
times of my life have become some of my
greatest gifts.

In the midst of something you are struggling
with no one is going to be able to tell you
"this is a gift," and you suddenly are going
to go,"Oh, yes. You are right. I need to
be different now." If you did, the gift
would never arrive, as it is the process of
working through wherever you are at that
moment that will be the gift, and it is
nothing that anyone can give you.

Perhaps the key is to know that within you
is the answer, but to use those things outside
of yourself as guides. Go ahead and listen
to people, and read books, and view videos,
and listen in a way that you measure it
against who you are and who you think you
want to be. See if what another says rings
true for you, or if it seems to be at conflict.
Bounce it around, play with it, and see what
you come with. Maybe your Slot A is best
filled with Tab D. Maybe Liquid X mixed
with Liquid Y is volatile.

Maybe life is about learning to listen to
ourselves, and learning about ourselves.
Maybe the best way to learn is to have
those things we can compare and contrast
ourselves with. How in the world could
something outside of us know the answer
better than something inside of us? It
doesn't really make any sense, does it?
And yet countless times, without thinking,
we will find ourselves letting someone
else guide us to a place that may not
ultimately be to our benefit.

Maybe it is time that we were willing to
take a look at things in a different way.

Maybe it is time to consider that who and
how we are is the person that we need to
be, and that who we do become will be a
person that is built upon the foundation
we have built with all of its cracks and
seeming imperfections.

Maybe it is time to consider that all
answers aren't immediate, and that some
take more time and patience than we want
to have, or think we should have.

Maybe it is time to let ourselves flounder
a bit; perhaps jumping into things isn't
helping us, but rather taking us away
from the things we need to learn.

Maybe a possible mistake we make is thinking
that someone knows us better than we
know ourselves.

Maybe who we are is just perfect,
and perhaps we can let ourselves
relax, just a little.

And, maybe...

What I have written doesn't do anything
for you at all. Maybe you think otherwise,
and it works for you. If so, it sounds
perfect to me. :)

Last, but not least, here is a bit of
humor on the "fixit" mentality. I think
it speaks to what is really going on
under the surface of the illusion that
we always know how and what to fix and
how best to fix it.



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Trying to Please Everyone? (Read this)

You're never going to please everyone.

You might be one way, and a person
will feel wonderful around you.

You might be around another person
and be the same way, and that
person feels uncomfortable.

When you don't know who you are,
or feel insecure or not confident,
it may be easy to be swayed by the
winds of another.

Don't do it.

Well.
I suggest you don't do it.

The more willing you are to take a
stand for who you are, foibles and all,
the more likely you will find the people
and situations who will like you just
the way you are - give or take a little, LOL.
(No one's that perfect).

For a long time I had difficulty being
who I am, as it seemed that I didn't
really "fit." I was often the odd one
out, and yet, it seemed that people who
took the time to pay attention to me
one on one seemed to appreciate who
I was.

It is easy to wonder "what is wrong
with me?" when you don't have a clear
sense of not only who you are, but that
who you are is just perfect the way
you are.

It has taken some doing, and now I
can finally say I am OK with who I am.
It sucks when it doesn't fit, but
at least I don't try to make it fit,
try to change, and I lose less energy
over it because I can walk away faster.

Coming to that place has helped me
when carving out my place in the
world as well as in more personal
ways, like when I have profiles
on dating sites (where all kinds
of anonymous guys have given me
"helpful," conflicting advice,
and where I am told how wonderful
I am in one email and how scary
I am in another, LOL).

Sometimes I am even at the point
of laughter when someone tries to
tell me how to be (a complete
stranger, mind you) in the guise
of being helpful.

Interesting how - without awareness -
the world in which we live we believe
to be THE world. Of course then it
would help if the world would conform
to our way of looking at things.

Why is it that we haven't yet gotten
the idea that there is no ONE world
and no ONE way of looking at things
that works for everyone? Why does
that seem so difficult to attain?
We have example after example of how
that DOESN'T work.

The wind's blowing yet again...are
you going to be blown by it?

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Beautiful the Way You Are | Video

I was reading an article about how The Voice
is the Anti Idol. It raised some interesting
points, and as I thought about it, I came to
a few of my own thoughts about how the two
shows are in many ways representative of how
we "do" life.

In many ways Idol is how we try to manipulate life,
and how we try to get it to fit into the boxes
and labels we want it to be.

The Voice seems to say, "This is who I am. Take
me or leave me." Interestingly, it seems as though
people are taking to those who are making it into
the finals.

It seems to be one of the paradoxes of life that
we try to make everything fit so neatly, and yet
when we can truly be who we are, and see those
being who they truly are, there is a connection
that can be made that can't be manufactured.

I would bet that The Voice is successful (at
least in part) because despite the fact that
it doesn't "fit" the perfect mold, what it
does fit, in some way, is who we aspire to be
without the pressures to be something and
someone we are not.

The following video is one of the contestants
with a song about perspective. See what you
think:



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At what cost?

He is married, with one child.
He had split from his wife,
but had gotten back together
with her.

He admitted that, in some ways,
he took the easy way out. He
had a lifestyle that was more
than comfortable, and wasn't
sure he wanted to jeopardize
it. He had also been with his
wife for years, so he was going
with what he knew. He didn't
like the idea much about dating
again - even though he and his
wife were rarely - if ever -
having sex, even after their
reconciliation.

He said he tries not to think
about it. That also seemed easier,
and yet here he was talking to
me about it. He noticed that
despite not wanting to think
about it, it was often lurking
under the surface.

He isn't happy, and he knows it.

But he doesn't know what to do
about it. He feels stuck.

I can appreciate where he is -
to some degree. There was a
relationship that I had that I
was in and out of more than once
before the final break. The
reconciliations did nothing to
change things. Words were
exchanged, and maybe it seemed
as though things might be different,
but I think it was more wishful
thinking, and not be willing to
see things as they were that
brought me back those times.

Interestingly, when it finally
ended it was a RELIEF.

And...I wasn't even married to
the guy, and there was no child
involved.

Interestingly when this guy spoke
of his wife, he said "polite" things,
but he said nothing about why he'd
want to stay with HER. It was more
about the child, the lifestyle.

When I pointed this out, he recognized
that I was right. I asked him how
he'd feel if someone was staying with
him because of what she could get from
him. I asked him wouldn't he want
someone to want him for who he was
than what he had to offer.

I asked him if he was really doing his
child any favors. I have known of
situations in which the parents were
so unhappy - but stayed together "for
the kids" - which were troubled and
troubling situations for more than one
reason. Sometimes pretending everything
is OK and staying together will do more
of a disservice to the children.

If two people have a child's well being
in mind when acting, they will find ways
to take care of the child - at a distance.
The key is to have the core desire to
focus on helping the child, rather than
using the child as a ploy (which I have
sadly also seen more than once).

Those who are for "family" will argue
that family comes at any cost. Of course,
they won't say it that way, but they'll
have a family that superficially "works,"
on the surface, but that's it. The good
(acceptable?) appearance of things, though,
in situations like that is at great personal
expense to those who are in the
relationship.

How much are you willing to "pay" to stay
in a situation that doesn't work? To stay
in situations that don't fulfill your
most basic needs? To stay in a situation
that demoralizes you?

If you re-read that paragraph, you might be
able to tell that it can apply to other types
of relationships as well. When you are so
focused on holding on to what you got, you
may not be able to see what amazing things
you might be coming into - if you just let go.

There are no absolute answers, despite what
some may think. What is right for you might
go against what others think is right. I
know someone who says they're concerned for
how their spouse will be treated by their
family if there is a divorce.

This is not to say that the feelings of others
should not be considered. However, if they
are acknowledged to your own detriment, consider
that the value of those actions may be diminished.
Also consider that you are not responsible for
another person's experience of life, or how
another interprets the things that happens in
their life.

Many times when staying together seems to be
difficult, it is easy to look anywhere but
within. The reason for this is that if we
were willing to really look at ourselves, and
listen, we might have to make choices that
rock the boat. Ironically, if you are unhappy,
what you haven't likely noticed is that the
boat is already rocking.


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Soul & Connection & Conflict | Quote

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Giving & Receiving

Some people just love to give, and
occasionally a constant desire to
give can be a way of avoiding or
ignoring the fact that there is
nothing coming back (among
other things).

The thing is, though, that often we are
best if we are in balance, and it is as
important to know how to receive as it
is to give. When we deny the opposite
of something it can be to our detriment.
Sometimes a denial will just bring the
thing denied closer to the surface.

There are all kinds of ways to give and
receive. For two people it may be two
different things, but as long as it
works for those involved, it can be a
good thing to help with balance.

At one point in my life I was definitely
the one who gave more, and looking back
it is clear to me that it wasn't what
it appeared superficially and it was
only superficially satisfying (although
at the time I was so far removed from
what I know now, I didn't have a clue).

The more someone can appreciate who you
are, what you do, and what you have to
offer the more satisfying those experiences
will be and the more likely you will enjoy
life overall.

By the way, this includes the relationship
you have with yourself. I am reminded of
this today as I spend time nurturing myself
and making things for me that I enjoy.

There is a domestic goddess inside of me
that can be quite happy when doing things
that nurture someone - even when it is
"just" myself (and I really need to get
better when it comes to that relationship
...sound familiar?)

I hope you do things for yourself, too.
If you haven't done anything recently,
what can you do to give to yourself?
What can you do to nurture yourself?

When you figure it out...you know what
the next step is, don't you? :)

Enjoy what's left of your weekend!

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Gender Bias

I was just reading an article about a preschool
in Sweden that takes big efforts to gender
neutralize everything.

The idea behind it seems to be to give
children the opportunity to just be
themselves without feeling "compelled"
(my word) to be the expectations of
their gender.

While it seems to me that we certainly
have room for improvement, it would
also seem to make sense to identify
with one's gender to see, if nothing
else, how it "fits."

Perhaps a girl will identify more with
the boys, and a boy will identify more
with the girls, but perhaps it would
be better to have a more informed and
tolerant world that allows for self
discovery, and the forging of a path
that works for the individual rather
than one that society deems appropriate.

We seem to have enough trouble as it is
sometimes figuring out who and how we
are. Hopefully those whose children
are enrolled are helping them to distinguish
which choices seem to fit for them within
the gender roles without negating their
own, or the other, gender.

We have genders. There is no getting
around it, and it seems to me that a
avoidance of it (if that is what this
is) is no more helpful than an avoidance
of anything else.

It seems geared to help kids, but I can't
help but wonder if it is potentially misguided
as it would seem it is the adults who have
the gender bias issues, not the kids.

I would be curious to know your thoughts.
 

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Gee...Wonder what they were thinking... | Video

when they made this commercial.



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Sexless Marriage?

I often speak with men whose relationships
(married, or not) seem to have a minimal
amount of sex. I sometimes think they
they they are unique. Not to burst that
bubble, but it is much more common than
anyone may realize, and it goes both ways
despite what some may think.

I just read an article about a marriage
of 16 years in which the two partners never
had sex, and it was the woman who was the
one who wanted it, but the husband who found
reasons not to, and ways to blame her for
his lack of willingness/desire.

It is amazing how we can sometimes
creatively turn things around. I
would imagine there may be a few men
whose partners are good at saying
things in a similar way that might
have a negative effect on one's own
self esteem.

I used to be in a relationship where the
guy I was with was really good at that.
Because I wasn't how I am now, I would
constantly question myself, wondering if
somehow he might have a point.

Not to say he didn't at times, perhaps,
but I am certain that there were issues
that he had that he deflected on to me.

The more you know yourself, the less likely
someone can manipulate you. The more you
know yourself the more opportunity you have
to communicate effectively and ultimately
decide if the situation you find yourself
in is one you want to remain in.

You can likely convince yourself of anything.
Are the things you've convinced yourself
about really worth it? (HINT: the answer
might be a dubious yes, if you are unsettled
or are unhappy about it - especially if over
an extended period of time) If not, it may be
time to take a good, hard look at things.

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On the Subject of Love Relationships & Will

I recently watched the movie "When in Rome."

If you don't like spoilers, don't read any
further, as I am going to talk about the plot.

The movie in part asks the questions,
"What is love?" and "Love," at what cost?

The main character, Beth, takes coins from
a fountain while in Rome. According to the
story, it apparently makes all who threw
those coins in the fountain fall in love
with her.

As impossible as it would seem, and as
plausible as only a film script could be,
she suddenly has what seems to be five
men obsessively chasing after her back
in NYC, where she lives.

She is told that she can reverse the "spell"
if she gives the coins back to those who
put them in the fountain.

Before she has a chance to, though, she
has 4 of the 5 show up at her apartment,
and the conversation ensues about what
love truly is, and that if the four of
them truly love her, even if she doesn't
love them, they should help her get what
it is that she wants. After all, isn't
that what love truly is about?

So the four get her to where she needs
to be, and she gets the coins back so
that she can return them to their owners,
and three of them have a Wizard of Oz
moment, of sorts (LOL, at least that is
the way it seemed to me).

One says he never did magic in public,
until he felt the way he did about her.
One says he missed (I think) his wife,
and he knew he couldn't replace her,
but how he felt about the main character
helped him to find a similar, love-
filled feeling, and the third had had
a desire to be an artist that was
awakened - and acted upon - in a big
way because of how he felt.

Maybe that is what love is about, too,
bringing out the best in who we are
because of how we feel for another.

Then there is the the 5th guy, the one
the main character appears to love, and
she believes she also has a coin to
return to him, and when it is returned
she believes the spell on him will also
be broken, but instead he says he loves
her, and that nothing has changed. The
next thing you know, they're off getting
married, but on her wedding day it is
discovered that she gave him the wrong
coin. So as she is about to marry him,
she has to decide if she wants to be
with someone under her "spell."

At the altar she returns the coin, and
runs from the church, and back to the
fountain, and apparently seems grateful
for the adventure she had been on when
the groom comes to her and tells her
that he never threw any coins into the
fountain. It turns out that they were
someone else's.

Interestingly, it made me think about
conversations I have had with some
who think that I would be interested
in hypnotizing someone to be in love
with - and mesmerized by - me.

In an odd way, what the movie "makes
up" could potentially be a reality if
a person who knew hypnosis knew how to
use it to manipulate another. While
that can be a whole other discussion,
the point I am wanting to make is that
I would never want to be with someone
who didn't want to be with me - because
he wanted to be with me. I

I have no desire in "making" someone
be something they're not, or don't
want to be. In my world, a
relationship of any type is a
partnership and is going to work for
the best interests of those involved.

So while there may be magic involved,
in this world of mine it is the most
magical when those affected are
already enjoying the "show," and the
hypnosis is a(n) bonus/enhancement.

So...what do you think? Would you want
someone to love you because they love
you, or love you because something else
tells them to? Could you love someone
who couldn't return your love and
affections the way you would desire?

My inquiring mind wants to know.

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Feeling at Odds? The Many Parts of Who We Are

When speaking with those who call me I find
that there are many parts to who they are:
the responsible adult, the young child who
wants to be in wild abandon, the father/mother,
the daughter/son, the boss, the employee, the
in control one, the willing one, the protagonist,
the antagonist, the procrastinator, the creative,
the artist, the processor, the...the list goes
on and on.

What can happen (and often does happen) is
the different parts of a person can wage an
inner war, and one part can feel attacked for
who and how it is, especially if it seems
that that part is causing trouble.

Interestingly, there are parts of us that
will be lured into "trouble" because, in
some way, it might be good for us. That
part of us might be taking us to a place
that we need to be. However, it doesn't
mean that it will always be a calm, neat
and tidy - and often, probably, quite
the opposite. Many times it might
create an event that can be difficult
or painful, but then it is revealed how
much of a gift the experience truly was
as more of life unfolds.

So much of life these days is about "fixing"
things, not the least of which is who we
are. Perhaps it is time to consider that
we are who we are, and that who that is is
perfect for us to be the unique person we
are meant to be, and not the carbon copy
of someone else.

The more unique you are, the more likely
you are being true to yourself and your
journey in life. Perhaps the moments of
uncertainty and questioning and even of
darkness serve to bring us into the light.

So many times in my life I have had moments
that have been devastating for who I was
at the time. When I look back, I see how
these times have molded me and shaped me
as the person others seems to appreciate
today. Without those things you'd be
speaking to another version of me, if you
were even speaking with me at all.

One never knows when the storm is
actually bringing peace. For that
reason, when you are struggling with
those parts of yourself that seem not
to be in synch consider giving them a
voice, and finding out what they need.
Perhaps you need that inner child to
stamp his feet for a bit.

The different parts of us never go away.
We just develop new ones which now have
to co-exist with those parts that have
come before. It is something - unlike
other things - we often never learn to do.
However, if we are able to get anywhere
close to it, those parts of us can be
at odds but still work together as part
of a whole in such an incredible way
that it can bring us a kind of peace that
we can't have or enforce by attempting
to squash parts of ourselves.

Consider being nicer to yourself. Those
parts are only trying to do their best
for you.

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The Human Experience (A few thoughts from a Documentary)

I just watched The Human Experience. It is a
documentary that touches on a few things that
are profound.

It has gotten some mixed reviews, and a few
awards, and I personally feel a bit mixed
about my experience of it. However there
were some very pointed and poignent moments.

Two things that stuck out to me were:

One of the guys featured in the film looked
straight at the camera and was talking about
a kindergarten teacher. He said that he
was unable to color in the lines, and for
that reason the teacher basically told him
he would amount to nothing.

He said this while in Africa.

It made me think about how we as adults have
adult versions that tell people that they're
"nothing" or that they'll never get anywhere.

Interestingly, it seems as though he may have
(even in small part) been spurred on by what
she said, so who knows? Maybe it was something
that was meant to be, and contributed to whatever
he winds up doing. We are, after all, motivated
by things both "negative" and "positive."

The second thing was something that a Rabbi
said. I am guessing it may have been said
some other place, perhaps in a similar way,
but what he said was something I had never
heard before.

He spoke of a metaphor of all of life to a
musical composition. He suggested that each
person was a note in that composition waiting
to be played, and integral to the piece.

So what does your contribution "sound" like?

The film is about how we are connected and
how we all matter. If that type of message
speaks to you, it might be worth a view.

Have a great night.


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Happy Father's Day! | video

As I sit here and write this, I find
myself wondering what my father would
have thought of what I do for a living.

If it wasn't for him, odds certainly
say I wouldn't be here, or at the
very least, wouldn't be who and how
I am as everything that we are and
are not has everything to do with
those who parent us.

Relationships with others are a
mixed bag, and for some there may
be a father figure that one can
appreciate, even if you don't share
the same genetic material.

To those who have a reason to
acknowledge this day, I hope
you have a wonderful day with
your kids and/or your "dad."

And to anyone who reads this, a
special thank you in spirit goes
from me to your dad for his making
a place for you in the world.

I have to believe the world is
benefitted in some way by your
contribution to - and presence
in - it. (If by any chance
you don't believe that, then we
should certainly speak!)
 

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History in the Making (Video)

Just wanted to share a song/video I enjoyed.
Perhaps you will, too. :)
Each moment creates - something.
Some somethings more special than others.
Here's to those special somethings.



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Comfort (Quote)

Comfort is the worst kind of
slavery because you're
always afraid that something
or someone will take it away.
Seneca

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"Widening Choices"?

In the following snippet Paul McKenna admits to
"widening the choices" of an ex-girlfriend via
a form of suggestion/"manipulation."

When he is called on the manipulation, he says
he is used to the "paranoia" reaction. Interesting
way to turn things around.

He obviously had no issue with what he did, and
says nothing about how his ex responded, other
than to say that she now enjoys curry (the thing
he was manipulating).

I recall another hypnotist referring to hypnosis
as a "tool" and called upon those he was trying
to sell to to use it responsibly. Interestingly,
in the way he worded his pitch, it sounded like
he didn't want those who wouldn't use it responsibly
to buy it, but the underlying message was to BUY.

So...while it sounded to someone who didn't know
how to listen the way that I do like he cared and
was being responsible himself, he was really only
being responsible to himself.

As I have said previously, an argument can be
made for pretty much anything, which means that
what Paul did is totally defensible within a
certain argument/conversation.

Is manipulating someone for their "own good,"
OK? How does one know what another's "own good"
is? How can one make that judgment for another?
Interestingly, with or without hypnosis and
with or without permission we are often
manipulated by another's version of what is
good for us.

Some would say hypnosis undoes what the
"natural" hypnosis of our lives creates.
Paul even makes reference to that in what
he says, as he says his ex had been hypnotized
to believe she didn't like curry.

Whether or not what he did was ultimately a
good thing doesn't seem to be as much of an
issue as the fact that he did it without
her knowledge prior to making the change.

Btw, in the interview Paul explains how
he did it, so I am pretty much giving you
the keys to the car. What are you planning
to do with them (if anything)?

In general, I am uncertain about sharing
certain types of things because what can
be used for "good" can also be used for
"bad." However, if you are aware of how
things work, perhaps you will realize when
someone is manipulating you.

Curious about what you think. How would
you feel if someone manipulated you for
"your own good" - without your knowledge
and/or permission. Would you do what he
did to someone? How would you feel if
you found out someone had done it to you?


 

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Is Giving to Another Giving to Ourselves?

I was reading an article about how some tennis
players have been playing in France. Apparently
they have given their competitors points that have
won games. It is possible that those who are the
line men could have made different calls, but the
players were willing to be OK with calls of their
own that weren't in their favor.

The author of the article mentions that that type
of behavior isn't likely to happen in a sport like
basketball. Not sure that it even could, given
the dynamic. But the idea that one would give
another even a momentary advantage is something
I think we could use more of in the world.

Wouldn't it be something if we let another
occasionally have the "advantage?" I'd say in
the end, we all likely would benefit from the
positive ripple effects. I could be wrong, but
I sure wouldn't mind trying the theory out.

Given the world we live in - I'm not sure we'd
have much to lose.
 

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If this is true...Yikes! | Selling Oneself

There is a story about a 17 year old who was
given the equivalent of approximately $3,000
for a kidney. According to the story he
wanted an iPad 2.

For some it would seem preposterous that
someone would do something like that.
At the same time, people in general sell
parts of themselves for the things they
want: a bigger house, a more expensive
car, nicer clothes, "toys" they want.

People get in over their heads, or in to
situations that are difficult to extricate
oneself from without some consequence to
those superficial things. As a result,
many who want to make changes, don't -
and to a greater expense than the one they
think they are avoiding by maintaining the
status quo.

In another Twilight Zone episode that I
recently saw, a guy was given 3 wishes,
and warned that with anything he chose,
there would be consequences. For dramatic
effect, the consequences were quite dire.
However, it does highlight the fact that
anything we do will have ripple effects
of some sort.

It might be good to recognize that fact
when we are busy looking the other way
hoping that everything will work out.
 

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Communication Can Be Tricky | Video

Communication can be tricky. A person could know
exactly what s/he means, but it can come off
sounding like something completely different to
another.

Do you know what is being sung about in this song?



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Are You Feeling Resigned?

Per Google's online dictionary, resigned
has (among others) the following definitions:

Give up (an office, power, privilege, etc.)
Accept that something undesirable cannot be avoided
Surrender oneself to another's guidance

As I look at those definitions, I see a potential
mixed bag of meaning. When one "gives up" it could
be because something else is more important. It
could also mean that the person who gives up feels
it futile to continue what s/he was doing.

There are some situations in life that are
undesirable, and yet there are very few of them
that "cannot be avoided." Many times we may feel
so trapped by our choices, that we thinking they
are unavoidable, and yet what they really are are
things that we have the ability to change -
if we are willing.

To "surrender ones' self" to another could be a
smart thing to do, or it could be a way of giving
away your personal power. Someone might know
better than you, but it's not because they say so.

It would be because you could recognize and
identify something within that matches how the
person approaches a situation. You may not totally
know or understand where the person comes from,
but there is an inner part of you that knows if
you might be taking the "easy" way out (which often
can become the more difficult way), or doing s
something that might "seem" to be a good thing
vs something that truly is.

An argument can be made that one person's
resignation is another's empowerment. On a
superficial level that is likely easier to
do than one that goes to the core and heart
of the matter. You know when you are doing
the right thing. There is an inner peace
that comes along with your choices. It
doesn't mean that everything around you will
be calm and peaceful, but there will be an
inner knowledge that what is being done is
being done for the best. You do know when
that happens. I am sure you've had moments
like that.

At the very least, you have had moments in
which you listened to another, and knew that
you hadn't done the right thing for yourself.

In the end, it is YOU who gets to decide
what is right for you, and what your
motivation is for your decisions. Interestingly,
we will make decisions with our emotions and
then back them up with our logic, so you could
probably make almost anything work for you -
for a time, at least.

One of the best keys for the best chance at
happiness and true satisfaction is to be as
aware as you can be of what you are doing
and why you are doing it. Another one would
be to recognize whether or not something is
truly working for you. At least then you
will be able to tell if you are doing something
because you want to do it, or because someone
else wants you to - or thinks you should -
do it. It likely will also help you to see
if you justifying actions only appear to
serve your interests.

It isn't always easy to look, but when you're
not happy, or feeling unsettled, and it is
more than on an occasional basis, odds are
something is going on that is telling you
to look closer. Perhaps it is time for a
change. You know when you are making a "fix"
and when you are actually doing something
that will work, and so does that part of
you that nags at you. Circumstances don't
always need to change for you to feel good
about things, sometimes a true change in
perspective will be effective.

What won't work? Settling and/or avoidance,
as sooner or later it will likely come back
to bite you in the butt

Someone once told me something about how
compromise is important to a relationship.
My response was that if a person in the
relationship feels compromised as a result,
I wouldn't necessarily agree. If, however,
both parties can agree that it is best to
make a compromise, and really feel good
about it, then yes.

A compromise between two people that leaves
either one of them feeling compromised is li
kely to eat away at the partner affected,
and ultimately the fabric of the relationship.

Fight to keep the relationship on those terms,
and you will likely only have a skeleton after
a while. The relationship will have no "meat"
left. You might be OK with that, but if you're
not, and you're feeling resigned, sounds like
you may have some work to do.

As always, I might be able to help. If you'd
like my help, just ask. Hypnosis can be great
for things like this.
 
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Turmoil & Peace

Turmoil and peace often are related.

Sometimes you need some external
turmoil to bring some inner peace.

Sometimes external turmoil is
caused by a lack of inner peace.

There are times we don't want to make
waves, but at the same time, we need
to because it is time to make a change.

Change is uncomfortable, and even
more so when we fight it. You may
somehow think that you are doing
yourself (or perhaps even someone
you care about) a favor by not
making waves.

But if you are not at peace with your
life on the inside, you aren't doing
anyone any favors, and odds are sooner
or later things around you will change,
whether you want them to, or not.

It might be better to take a good,
long, hard look at things, and figure
out what it is that you do want, and
go about making changes. Things will
possibly be rocky, but I would bet
not as rocky as you might think.

However, however rocky it is, at the
other side is likely the inner peace
you've been wishing for. Life can be
challenging sometimes, but there are
times we seem to make things more
difficult for ourselves by fighting
what we already know.

In all of life there are cycles of
destruction followed by creation,
why would we ever think we were
exempt? What if we accepted that
sometimes things do - and need to -
change? Might we be happier and
better off for it?

I suspect the answer is yes, but
it doesn't really matter what the
answer is. If you are unhappy,
something has to change, if you
want to stop the unhappiness, and
there is a very good chance it
won't be any of the other people
involved.

There was a time in my life that
I knew something had to change,
but I just wanted things to work
out. I wanted the OTHER person
to see things my way. I wasn't
changing, the situation wasn't
changing, the other person wasn't
changing. I felt trapped, frustrated
and miserable - not to mention
scared - although at the time I
don't think I really acknowledged
my fears. Looking back, I'd say
my fears were a much bigger player
and decision-maker than I realized.

Eventually I took steps, as difficult
as they were, and backslid more than
once. Things finally came to a head,
and when the final step for lasting
change came, I couldn't have been
more relieved. What a difference.
As silly as it may sound, I felt like I
could breathe again. I had been holding
my breath for months, maybe even years.

That was a key time for me, and one I
often refer to. In looking back, I have
been able to move forward.

No one says you have to change, but if
you're unhappy, you may just want to.
Remember to be kind to yourself, odds
are you're doing the best you can.
While you're at it, consider looking at
turmoil as your friend, who's just
trying to help you get where you want
to be - whether you think you know where
that is, or not. :P
 
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On Remembering Who You Are

I caught the end of a Twilight Zone
episode last night in which a woman
in a department store appeared to
be losing her mind.

She said she had spoken to a sales
woman who, when she saw her again,
was a mannequin.

She seemed to be scared and freaking
out as she found herself in store
after it closed.

She got in the elevator, and the
mannequin who now appeared as a
woman was assisting her to come
out of the elevator, telling her
how silly she was being.

As the two of them walked, a number
of other mannequins that seemed to
be alive joined them. The woman
who brought her from the elevator
asked her to see what she could
remember, that "they" would help
her to remember.

Slowly, and surely, the upset woman
began to recall that she has just
returned from her 30 days in the
"real" world. Apparently, the
mannequins took turns being real
for that period of time.

It made me think about what is our
reality. How do we define it? Is
the unreal so real that when we
return to who we truly are, it is
scary? Do we sometimes need help
to be reminded of who we are?

Interestingly, when she remembered
who she was, she was quite peaceful.
It also turned out that she was a
day late in her return. Could that
have added to her state? The more
we are lost and/or resist our true
selves, the more likely we are to
be anxious, upset, frustrated,
confused. The list goes on.

Consider what you have accepted as
your reality, and see how peaceful
you are about it. If you're not so
peaceful, maybe you just need some
help to remember who you are.

I could be wrong, but I suspect that
life for some is the opposite of that
episode with the wooden world of the
mannequin seeming to be the real one.

Need help? Peace?
Maybe I can be of assistance.

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On Love

Love can seem to be quite a troubling thing.
In actuality, it is what we attach to it
and what we make those things mean that
can be so troubling.

Love, in and of itself, it a beautiful thing.
When you truly love someone you love them
because you love them, not because they do
something for you, say the right things,
give you a gift...

Love doesn't have to "look" a certain way.
You can love someone with your whole heart
and never be with them. I have had more
than one of those situations in my life,
and while on one level they suck, on another
one they are some of the most beautiful
gifts I have ever received.

Being human means making meaning all over
the place, so sometimes we will be sad when
things don't work out. Even though I
recognize the gift, it doesn't mean that
I have transcended the emotions that come
from the disappointment of things not
going my way. In a situation that is less
than desirable, I just choose to focus on
the good.

I wrote a poem about one of those times,
and made a video about it, which you can
check out below. See what you think.
Perhaps you'll be able to relate, or
perhaps it'll have you considering a
new perspective.




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On Changes, Focus and Belief | Video

This is a video well worth the few minutes
it will take to watch, especially if you
are contemplating change - or are in the
midst of changes.

The Taraval Tunnel

Let me know what you think.
 
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Still here? | On Life's Moments

Apparently those who thought the world
was going to come to an end this week
were - in some cases - disappointed.

Apparently, for some it would have been
a relief. Those who gave up their jobs
and their possessions certainly had
their world transform, but not likely in
the way they anticipated.

It got me to thinking about what life
would be if we knew when the end would
come. What if we had some warning?
Would people act the way those who believed
did?

The fact of the matter is that we do, in
some way, have a situation just like that.

Most of us know that living to 100 is fairly
unlikely. Average life expectancy in the US
is 78.7 years, so we know the end is coming,
and barring any unforeseen circumstances,
we might anticipate that amount of time
before our world, as we know it, ceases to
exist.

It's just that we play this game that is
part denial. We act as though we have
forever, and as a child it certainly seems
that way. At the age of 5, we've lived
approx 1/15 of what might be the length of
our life. The rest of the time seems so
far away.

Many children know how best to be in the
moment, focusing on that one thing they must
have, or do, now. Their attention may
shift to "when I am older" when they realize
that they do not have the ability to do what
they want to do, thinking that being an adult
will change everything in the most magical
of ways.

I can't help but wonder if that way of
looking at things stays with us - that we
keep thinking that tomorrow will have the
answers we don't have today. So we wind up
living more for what is to come than in what
we have now. As a result, we don't truly
look at what is in front of us. We are
unwilling to see things as they are. After
all, if you don't feel like you have the
ability to change things, you have to find
a way to cope, don't you?

But the thing is...odds are you are not a
child reading this. Odds are you are an
adult who has the ability to discern things
and to make choices. The game is not over
until you take your last breath. Many things
in life may feel impossible to change, but
that is because you have yet to find an
option that you can live with better.

Sometimes it is difficult to see past where
you are because steps have to be taken for
you to be able to see other things. On the
east coast of the US, it is impossible to
see the Eiffel Tower, except in video or
image. It might as well just be a dream.

But get in your car, go to the airport, get
on a plane, fly to Paris, perhaps connect
through somewhere else, and you will be
steps closer to your target, and you will
see things you never saw before, and have
experiences impossible to have while standing
on the eastern shores of the US. When you
look back the things that looked like hurdles
will likely seem insignificant. You probably
had no idea what else was possible along the
way.

It'd be nice if we all had a genie in a bottle,
but since we don't, we have the next best
thing: our ability to make our own magic
through the choices we make.

Yeah. I know. Not the same, at all. One
takes no effort at all on your part.

I can only speculate why life is set up this
way, and there are many who have their own
ideas. But I'd say one key is to acknowledge
where you are, and get moving. Wherever you
are headed, it will take one step at a time
to get there, and I bet if you pay attention
there is some beautiful scenery along the way.

Better yet, the destination may very well be
even more beautiful than you imagined - and
it all began with that first scary step. So
good, in fact, you may even have to refrain
from kicking yourself in the butt, wondering
what took you so long to get there. :P


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Are you one of those asleep? | Quote

If you want to make your dreams come true,
the first thing you have to do is wake up.

- J.M. Power

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Doing Things Your Way

When I saw the following video, I was struck by
Adam Lambert's willingness to step into his own
personality. Given the choices he made, it was
an uncomfortable choice for many, and likely
many more who were not shown.

It made me think about those times that we have
a job to do, and it isn't always one we want to
do. How many of us can carve out a way that
suits us and get the job done? Adam made it to
the finals, so he had to be doing something right.

Those who are truest to themselves tend to stand
out and rock the boat. It isn't always being
"green," but when it's who you are, it is going
to be very difficult, if not impossible, to be
anyone else.

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What if...

What if...
you're not in a relationship because
you're not in a relationship?

What if...
you're not talking to your brother because
you're not talking to your brother?

What if...
you're not making more money because
you're not making more money?

What if...
you're taking the vacation because
you want to take the vacation?

What if...?

Some would believe there is something
"wrong" with you if you're not in a
relationship.

Some would give you a hard time if you're
not talking to your brother. What did
YOU do wrong?

Some would say you're not motivated,
or not working hard enough, if you're
not making more money.

Some would say it's not wise to take
that vacation for money reasons, or
maybe where you want to go is not where
you should go.

Sometimes those with the best of
intentions will tell us what to
do, when to do it, and how best to do
it, and if we don't listen - and things
aren't the way we think they should be -
then there has to be something wrong
with us.

If someone wants to be in a relationship,
and isn't, that is the only explanation
there is, isn't there? After all, we
always all get what we want, don't we,
and if we don't, we certainly have to
be standing in our own way, right?

What if...life just sometimes doesn't
seem to cooperate? What if...life has
other ideas? What if...the masterpiece
takes time to create?

I don't know about you, but I find it
very difficult to live in a world in
which our seeming ability or inability
to have something becomes a judgment
when all it might be is a "fact."

What if...we stopped to take people
where they were and just supported and
loved them instead of judging them?
I suspect then that those who don't
have something they want, and have
frustrations they don't want, would
then perhaps have a little more peace.

After all...if something isn't happening
the way they'd like it to, it doesn't
necessarily mean they're missing anything,
or need to be fixed, and your impressions
to the contrary may only add to the
unpleasant and uncomfortable mix.

This is not to say sometimes we might need
a kick in the butt, or need a change of
venue or scenery, but the person who is
in the best position to guage that is in
the life you might think you know how
best to live. Unfortunately, your life
and your desires and your circumstances
are not always going to be the same for
another, and your solution - as wonderful
as it may seem to be - may not be a
solution at all.

What if...we only sought to help when a
person sought our assistance?

What if...others allowed us to be responsible
to ourselves and our choices and allowed us
to be OK with our own disappointments, without
feeling in some way that WE were a disappointment,
too?

The fact is
sometimes things just happen.

The fact is
sometimes things don't happen.

The fact is
we may just have to be disappointed sometimes.

The fact is
we can't always have what we want,
how we want it,
with who we want it,
when we want it

and the fact is...
that odds are quite good that
despite other's judgments and
concerns, and intentions, if
who you are and what you do
works for you, then it might
just be where you need to be
right here, right now.

And, and another potential fact is...
It might just suck.

Where did we ever get the
idea that we as human beings
would know all the answers?
It seems it would be at the
same time that not knowing
all the answers, and/or not
being able to "fix" our
circumstances became a problem,
or made us one.

Maybe who you are is perfect.

Odds are good, too, that
you've been on both sides
of this fence. Perhaps this
conversation will have you
look at things a bit differently
going forward.

Most people would likely say
"love" is their motivation for
helping. If one truly loves
another, s/he will love in
spite of another's seeming
imperfections.

Of course there are extremes,
and there are exceptions,
however I'd say that there is
likely much more middle ground
than most are likely to give.

What do you think?
 
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You're Amazing... | Video

just the way you are...

This is a cool looking video, but
more importantly the message - while
seeming to be romantic - is one that
many of us - male or female - yearn
to hear.

You are amazing. You have your quirks.
You also have your bugs. You have
your less than stellar moments. However,
in the midst of it all...

YOU are amazing.



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Many Paths

Sometimes in life it is easy to think that
there should be one clear-cut path for
everyone to take. It certainly would
be much simpler, wouldn't it? We'd all
know what to expect, because everyone would
be following the same path, at the same
speed. Life would look very much like the
image on the left.


Fortunately, or unfortunately, life it much
more like the image on the right. There is
one point of origin that we all come from,
but we can go off on many divergent paths,
sometimes slower than others, and sometimes
crossing over others for a moment.

It is seemingly much more chaotic than the
simplicity of the image on the left. At
the same time, I would venture a guess that
the reason it seems so chaotic is because
instead of focusing on our own path and life,
we are often busy gauging what another is doing,
some even spending energy trying to get others
to conform.

What if we could all be more present in, and
focused on, our own lives? Might our lives
feel more like the image on the left?

What do you think?

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What do you Value?

Dave Elliott has a model of our needs
that includes the following:


I don't know about you, but it is
interesting to see human needs
in this way. I find there are
many things that go unnamed and
unidentified, and I think it's
cool when they can be recognized
because then we are less at the
effect of them.

Take a look at the list. Where
do you think your most important
needs stem from? You may notice
that the quality of the needs
change from the bottom to the top,
with the bottom being much more
restrictive and limited than what
is at the top.

When your need is to have
predictability, the focus is
much more on you. When your
need is for providing service
to another, as you can tell,
the focus is quite different,
and will have a different
effect.

When you are controlled by a
need, it is because somewhere
along the line you have
overvalued it.

As with most things, whether
or not something "works" for
you is key. There is no
inherent judgment in an
overvaluation, but rather
an observation. If you are
controlled by something, and
have an experience you don't
want to be having, then it is
worth considering making some
changes.

If you find that you value
Predictability, you may find
that the things you want will
be out of your reach. IF that
is the case, it may be time
to take different actions to
get different results.

Of course, we as human beings
just love things staying consistent,
so to say it is challenging to
do that might be an understatement.
However, when you let yourself
be aware of where you are in
relation to where you want to
be, you can begin to take actions
that will allow your value system
to shift, and allow for different
actions.

It may be obvious to point this
out, but going up or down the
list is possible. Who you are can
be altered by what you do, and
often we will find ourselves never
straying too far from who we
perceive ourselves to be. Stretches
take work, and those who want things
to be easy will find that the only
thing that is easy is treading water.

Although, having said that, when we
feel a need to make a change, and
we don't, the ability to tread water
without even thinking may be there,
but there may be a tendency to deny
a desire because it means getting
from here to there, and we don't
know how to make that happen. It
also may mean going in circles, in
frustration.

We may want to stay put, but the
irony is we have little patience
with ourselves when we do, and it
takes more and more to keep our
world intact, as we lose more and
more of ourselves, ironically
working quite hard to maintain
our illusions. "I don't really
want that any way."

The more you feel the need to fight
to keep what you know, the more
possible it is that you are due
for a change that you are resisting.
Should you choose to allow the change,
and lower your resistance, you may
find that you have so much more energy
and feel so much more free. The
inner battle can be exhausting -
mentally, physically, emotionally.

The best thing you can do for yourself
is love yourself, wherever you are
in regard to your values. You are
there for a reason, and unconsciously,
you think it's a good one. But...

That doesn't mean you need to stay
there. Don't know how to get where
you want to be? I might be able to
help. Sometimes it helps to have
another's perspective and input to
help clarify what we already suspect
or know, or to have another hold our
hand as we take that next step, not
as a sign of weakness, but rather
as an acknowledgment of what another
might bring to our experience of
ourselves and our life.

One last thing: Given what you know
of those you interact with, you
can tell by who they are, what THEY
value. Interact with them from that
place - without judgment - and you
will likely have better success
relating to them.

As always, curious to hear YOUR
thoughts.
 

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