Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! | Manipulation

Ever since I have been learning more about
language in my role as a hypnotist, I have
found myself much more aware of when people
are talking to me in a manipulative way.

Once I got a call wanting to pitch me
a vacation. I immediately said I wasn't
interested. But then, the person wanted
to at least tell me what I was saying no
to. She offered me a short version.

Since I knew she had a job to do, I thought
I would at least humor her. The way that
the offer was worded was so manipulative,
and didn't even sound like an offer. The
way it was worded there were certain inherent
assumptions.

I laughed.

She asked what was so funny (I could tell
from her tone she didn't get the "humor").
I told her that I was a hypnotist and was
aware of NLP and how a lot of what she was
saying was assumptive. She seemed to have
no idea what I was saying.

I bet she was just reading a script, and
had no idea that she was reading was
manipulative in nature (at least I'll give
her the benefit of the doubt, as many
wouldn't recognize it, either).

At that point there was no point in continuing,
so I politely extracted myself, wished her a
great day, and hung up the phone.

I know there was a time I wasn't aware like I
am now, and was drawn in by how these people
speak. Many times I wasn't happy with my
decision because it wasn't what I really
wanted. I was just manipulated into it.

You can often tell when you are manipulated
into something when you are one, not happy
with your decision and/or two, find yourself
justifying your choice(s).

So the next time you are feeling uncomfortable
with a conversation, take a step back and
consider what is happening. While there could
be many reasons for how you feel, one of them
could be that the person is consciously (or
unconsciously) trying to manipulate you. If
you do that, you may be less likely to react
what is happening or being said.

It is one thing to ask to be manipulated
(such as in someone who is looking to help
you - perhaps like a personal trainer). It
is a totally different other thing when
someone comes along and does it for their
own benefit, and your potential detriment.

Of course, they'll never say it that way,
and of course it's always a good thing for
you...and that is just part of the potential
manipulative ploy that is being played.

Not all things are manipulation, but being
aware and conscious are two things that can
help prevent regret by declining actions
that may not be the right ones for us, in
the face of someone nudging us in a direction
we may not want to go.

At least some manipulation can be
wonderfully pleasant with the right
person. :D But that is for YOU to decide,
not for another to decide for you.

(Can I just say one more time - YUCK!!!)
 

Your Personal Tipping Point

I was once in a relationship that I couldn't
leave. I should have left (and did) many
times. We weren't even married, and yet
I so much wanted it to work out, and it
was to great emotional cost to stay. It
was around the time that things finally
broke up for the last time that I realized
that one could be lonelier in a relationship
than by oneself.

It is difficult for anyone to understand a
dynamic that keeps two unhappy people in
a relationship together. Many who have
never had that dynamic think it is easy
to just walk away. If it was that easy,
many of those I talk to would. Instead,
it seems easier to cover up the wounds
and pretend like everything is OK.

The problem is that the source of the
issue is never addressed, and it can
create new wounds, and coping that way
comes at a greater and greater cost.

Eventually I was able to finally take a
stand for myself, and it took everything
I had to walk away. It just so happened
I got to my personal tipping point. I
had had enough, and I felt that I deserved
more than what I was getting (interestingly
those around me had agreed in that regard
a long time before I ever acted).

No relationship or person will ever be
perfect, but if you aren't able to be
who you are, consciously living a life
that you love, then it might be something
to really look at as it would be akin to
just handing over all of your money to
someone and saying, "Here take all this
money. It's OK if it doesn't belong to
you. I am giving you permission to walk
away with it. I like being trapped here
with you."

By your actions, are you doing things that
are trapping you and limiting your options
in regard to another? If you love someone
and feel that you'd be taking away from them
by separating, there are ways to make
things work at a distance. Sometimes it
it is a loving act to separate.

All too often society will tell us what
we should want, what we should think,
what we should accept. Perhaps all of
the time you have spent unhappy will be
the foundation for a version of you that
can have the happiness deep down you know
you deserve (odds are good you wouldn't
be trying to escape if you didn't think
you deserved more).

It is possible that the lessons we learn
in life are the things that help us to
become the person who is able to be the
kind of person who can be the ideal partner
and attract one. However for that to happen,
there are things to say, and risks to take.

If you are escaping, and feel compromised,
perhaps you can consider that there are
other options. Sometimes hypnosis can
help, too, as it may be able to help you
identify what is unconsciously tying you
to your situation.

If you're willing to go that route...and
want a guide/partner, let's talk. It's
not about me helping you to leave, but
rather assisting you to discover yourself
and what is best for you. When you
discover things you might not have known,
you may even find things shifting in your
current situation.

No one can stand up for you - except you,
and when the time is right for shifts and
changes, you will find your own personal
tipping point, and when you get to the
other side don't be surprised to hear
yourself cheering for who you have become. :)
 

Friends that Disagree

A friend once told me about a time
in college when a long time friend told
him he was going to get married, and
that he wanted my friend to be his Best
Man.

My friend always knew that is what his
friend wanted and intended when the time
came but, in this particular case, he
felt the choice wasn't one that he could
support, and told his friend that if he
married her, he could not be his Best Man.

His friend was pissed. His friend also
is now happily married to someone else,
and has a couple of kids. He chose not
to marry the other woman.

Did my friend have anything to do with
his choice? Who knows what happened
exactly? However, when the conversation
was had my friend pointed to some very
serious issues and considerations and
took a stand for the sake of his friend.

I once watched an interview with Lisa
Marie (Presley) in which she said she
was upset with how those in her dad's
life didn't help him until she realized
that he had (in essence) an "agree
with me" or "get away" attitude. She
also noted that Michael Jackson had a
similar situation as well, surrounding
himself apparently with "yes" men.

While it is important for us to be true
to ourselves, it is also important that
we have friends who will stand up for
us in spite of what the consequences
might be. Someone might stand up and
be wrong in regard to what is indeed
right for us, but that friend might also
be a saving grace in some circumstances.

Who knows what the right balance is, as
it will vary from person to person and
situation to situation, so knowing what
the "right" thing to do falls again on
being connected with oneself and respectful
of another and his/her choices.

We can be at odds and be combative, or we
can be at odds and be respectful. There
is a big difference between the two, and
the difference can make or break a
relationship between people, organizations,
countries.

A challenge to what we believe and what we
want can really suck, but it can also be
the very thing that gets us where we need
to be.

Silencing those who look at things differently
than we do can be one of the greatest things
we can do to cause ourself harm, and so is
being swayed too easily by another's idea of
what is right for us.

Who ever said being human made sense, or
was easy? LOL. But the "funny" thing is
that it is easier than we think it is. It
just so happens that being human often
includes making things complicated.

But...odds are this would never apply
to YOU now, would it? :P
 

You Sounded Annoyed (On Clear Communication)

I was speaking with someone once who hadn't
called in a few months, and the silence had
started after the last call we had.

He remembered what we were talking about, and
suggested that my response at the time had a
feeling of being annoyed attached to it.

When he told me what it was, I told him that
I wasn't annoyed. If he heard anything, it
was just my own internal frustration about
the subject.

He didn't stay away the whole time because of
it, but the misinterpretation is what initially
had him refrain from calling.

I suggested that in the future he confirm with
me his interpretations if they were to affect
our communications. His response was something
to the effect to that it was something akin to
calling someone on something, and how no one
likes that.

While that is true, if we don't communicate what
we suspect, then we'll never know if we're
incorrect. To make matters worse, if we act on
our incorrect notions, then we are creating
another level of the issue.

I could have been annoyed, but so what? He
could have also have asked me if I was, and
I could have lied and said, "No." Perhaps
I could have said no out of denial. Any number
of possibilities would have existed, and do
exist daily, with those we interact with.

A person should be able to get clarification
without the other person being offended or
feeling defensive. A person should also be
able to accept whatever answer is given without
having to push or pry.

This is not to say that if someone lies to you
it's ok, however sometimes people don't know
they're even lying to themselves. We need to
be willing to accept people's honest answers
if we want to encourage them to give them. In
many cases deceit is intentional out of a fear
of some sort of rejection.

We also need to be able to say the things we
need to say. If I had been annoyed I could
have said I was, and explained why or perhaps
have apologized, or just said, "I am sorry but
I just don't want to talk about this right now."

We also need to be able to remain silent at
times, as it allows us to figure things out
without the adding complication of bringing
someone into the drama in our head while at
the same time realizing that the drama might
just be self inflicted.

Being able to have an effective conversation
means being as clear as one can be about what
is being said, or about what is left unsaid.

There are ways to say things in a responsible
manner. For instance in the above regard the
person could have said, "When we were talking
about ___, it sounded to me like you were
annoyed by something I said. Can you tell me
what it was, or tell me if I might have
misinterpreted your reaction?"

Or he could have said, "When we were talking
about ___, you sounded annoyed. Did I say
something to annoy you? If so, I wanted to
apologize, because that certainly was not my
intent."

It's like a dance - one most of us never learned
to do. We might think we know how to communicate
because we interact and talk, but sometimes - many
times - those interactions and words only get in
the way of communication.

We don't need to walk around questioning everything,
but in cases where the meaning may be unclear, it
might be best to refrain from assuming, especially
if it means a further break down of communication or
the furthering of a disagreement.

If you're going to get mad or upset or take something
personally, wouldn't it be better to know that what
you thought was true indeed was instead of something
you made up in your own mind?

(You do know how good
at that you are, don't you?)
 

What a Difference a Degree Makes | Video

This, in my opinion, is an awesome
video on a very simple concept. It
could apply to any number of things.

I know that there are many managers/
business-folk among my callers, so
perhaps this will even be something
you can share with those you work with.

I share it, in part, too because I
can see how it relates to one's
hypnotic experience. It is yet
another way to explain what happens
as one is hypnotized.

Metaphorically someone could be
hypnotized 211 times and on the 212th
time, he could find his environment
radically changed.

Watch the video, and see what you
get out of it, and as always, I'd
love to know what'ya think!

Have a good one.
 

Fear

I was once speaking with someone who had
made a difficult decision after a long delay.

It was nice to be able to help that person
hypnotically, as we've been speaking on and
off for several years now.

One of the interesting things that came up was
the topic of fear. My client came to realize
that they were less comfortable with the fear
of staying in the situation than the fear they
had of the fear of the unknown. As a result,
after a long and trying time (years), this
person reluctantly (and optimistically and
hesitantly) decided to move forward in spite
of the unknown.

It's interesting to note that we are very
often motivated by pain and pleasure. When
someone wants to get us to do something, all
they have to do is make certain that we
focus on the right thing in the correct
measure.

They can either get us to focus on the pleasure,
and draw us in, or have us focus on the pain
(or possibility of pain that we want to avert)
to motivate us in the way they want us to be
motivated. Many sales are based on this idea,
as well as many other aspects of our life.

It doesn't have to be that way - but it takes
being consciously aware to avert the pitfalls
of this type of thing - and that is probably
one of the most difficult things to do in
the situations that are the most emotionally
charged for us.

However, it CAN be done.

I offered to help this person in any way I can
to help support them through the trying
transition, and would likely do the same for
anyone else who really wanted (and would use)
the help. If you're in a predicament, and
could use some support like what I can give
(and if you know me, you know it is likely to
be more than just hypnosis) reach out, and
let's talk.

Nothing is worse than having a problem and
feeling by yourself, not sure where to turn.