It's about what works. A relationship blog. For all relationships - especially the one you have with yourself.
"You cut right to the heart of the matter. Your knowledge of human relationships is quite significant and intuitive." @webmaster_ref (Twitter)
In this video there is someone who
is advocating sending parents to jail for
3 days in Michigan if they do not attend
Parent Teacher Conferences. To be "fair"
to the topic, apparently the action will
be a last resort option only, and will
have certain exceptions.
I find a few things interesting about this
interview. The woman who is being interviewed
makes the comment about how many say we
shouldn't legislate morality, but then goes
on to say that we already do as a form of
defense for doing it yet again.
Just because we do something, does it mean
we should do it again? Somehow there seems
to me to be a fault in that logic, even
though I know that our courts work on just
those types of arguments.
We seem to value what has come before,
but we also seem to cherry pick what
we value, based on whatever it is that
we seek to create in the present.
This particular school district is doing
their own form of cherry picking from
the past to attempt to legislate the
actions they deem best, as a RE-action
to behaviors they think are problematic.
Behaviors that are moderated often don't
help when the cause remains untouched.
In one interview in the piece a woman
says if the law gets involved it might
give people an incentive to act. While
I wouldn't necessarily disagree, there is
a bigger issue at hand that will remain,
even if the law is enacted.
Reacting to an issue isn't the same as
taking actions which focus on the source
of an issue. If parents aren't involved
with their kids' schooling, there could be
a number of issues that prevent it, and
those who just aren't interested in taking
part won't necessarily be making different
choices if threatened with a jail term.
One just has to look at the already
crowded jails to know that the threat of
incarceration isn't much of a deterrent
for what some segment of society considers
undesirable behavior.
There is a much bigger issue here, and
attempting to lawfully regulate something
that is already not working, based on what
has occurred in the past, with a disregard
for the cause of what is occurring in this
moment, could quite possibly make matters
worse.
What would this issue look like if those
who cared to make a difference stopped
reacting and stepped back and looked at
things for what they are, and made decisions
based on what could really make a difference
instead of affecting a superficially acceptable
outcome?
It might be worth considering that the video
says that the children who seem to do best
have involved parents. A parent forced into
taking an action like the one suggested does
not an involved parent make.
From the sound of the article, there are other
close knit relationships that have come from
the resulting bonding. It is difficult for me
to comprehend why certain things happen as they
do, and I can't help but wonder if there are
other ways that things could happen. As much
as those people likely cherish the relationships
formed, I am sure they likely would have
preferred their loved ones still be here.
(This conversation reminds me of the movie Sliding Doors. Ever see it? If not, if I had
a list of recommended movies, this one would
most certainly be on it. It may make you think,
so don't watch it if you're wanting to avoid
having to think. ;)
In it you get to see the main character (Gwyneth
Paltrow) live out her life in two different ways,
one based on her catching a train, the other with
her missing it. There are two Gwenyth's that know
nothing of the trials and tribulations of the
other.)
There are times that we are very much aware of
what pain we have in our life, and perhaps the
thing in instances like that is that within
life there is both joy and sorrow, and we can choose to focus on either one.
That above mentioned couple chooses to focus
on their love, while still acknowledging what
has come before - and even building upon it.
I don't imagine that sorrow and pain are meant
to be ignored or forgotten, and we'll likely
never know why things happen as they do.
And since events that we can't control, and
will possibly never understand, are likely to
continue to occur, it probably is not what
happens as much as what we do in relation to
what happens that matters. As a result, our
actions and how we interact with the events
will ultimately make the difference in how we
experience life and what comes next.
There are times that people become affected
by suggestions and become dual minded.
A part of them wants the suggestion, and a
part of them wants it to stop.
Unless the part that wants them to stop acts
on the desire to stop, the part that wants
them to keep going will will.
Not only is it often is the path of least
resistance, it is also often (especially in
the erotic, hypnotic world) one full of
potential pleasure lost.
It might be difficult for the mind to
conceptualize that things can be different,
however in cases where there is a dual mind
odds are that a difference can be not only
a good thing, it can even be better than
what one thinks he has.
If you're conflicted, it might be time to
change song(s) and/or partner(s).
When you're in the middle of beating
yourself up, there is rarely any
rational thinking.
In the midst of pain, anger, and
disappointment it is easy to be
blinded to anything helpful.
It is the times in between those
moments that we have opportunities
for perspectives that will help us
at those times when we are our most
vulnerable.
Often we don't like that term:
vulnerable. We don't like the
idea that we can't be as strong
as we need to be. However consider
that by allowing yourself to have
support in a time of need, you are
making yourself strong.
Structures have supports that allow
them to stand, why would we think
that our structure isn't the same?
Why did we ever decide that we were
weak because we may at times be
stronger when supported?
Today I am thoughtful about this
because someone I know is having
a crisis and as I have helped, I
am reminded about how many humans
(including myself) can be.
We have trip wires that can be
counterproductive to what we think
we are doing while we are busy
beating ourselves up.
Sometimes you'll be your best self,
and it won't be "enough."
Sometimes you'll do the best you can,
and it won't be "enough."
Sometimes you'll do all that you are able,
and it won't be "enough."
Sometimes who you are won't fit the
situation in the way you think it needs
to for the outcome you desire.
Sometimes you'll want to control
everything, but feel like you control
nothing.
Sometimes life sucks.
Human beings sometimes strive for a level
of perfection that could never exist. We
can never be all things to all people at
all times in all places...and yet, the
minute something goes wrong we kick
ourselves because somehow we should have
been able to be just that.
Even if we could somehow seem to be that
perfect, I suspect that there would be some
other standard above that, given the way we
seem to be wired. So odds are we would
set ourselves up to fail, as we'd never
be enough as long as there is some standard
we haven't met, that we never could meet.
Sometimes our pain and grief and anger can
play a role in getting through, and sometimes
it is destructive. Sometimes it can motivate,
other times it can make someone immobile.
I wish I knew how to "make things right" when
things seem to go wrong. But...
Sometimes life will suck.
Sometimes we will suck.
Sometimes we'll disappoint.
Sometimes we'll be disappointed.
We can demand all the certainty
we want in life. The problem is:
we live in an uncertain world.
The next time something happens
and you are tempted to beat yourself
up go a few rounds, if you must.
But realize that beating yourself
up doesn't change a thing on the
inside. As odd as it may sound,
you are always likely doing the
best you can at any given moment.
Give yourself a break.
I have heard that at the rate that we are growing things, we are
depleting the soil's nutrients. It sounds troubling, and yet it
seems we keep going.
The video below apparently showcases an old idea that is getting
an opportunity in a 2010 setting on a rooftop in New York City.
As with anything, who knows what the good and the bad of
anything is, unless you're intimately involved, but it seems like
a solution that is worth looking into for a myriad of reasons,
and a variety of people.
Here is a case where it would seem that the change might just
do us some good.
I have been hearing about how the light bulbs that we are currently
using are going to be phased out. In the back of my mind, I
imagined stocking up on a lifetime supply before they were no longer
available in stores. I also thought that the difference between the
new bulbs and old ones would only be how the top part of the
bulb looked, so I thought I would always have a choice: same
fixture, but using preferred bulb type.
I guess a part of me was apathetic about it all. It seemed to be
the way we were going, but it hadn't yet affected me.
That recently changed.
Where I live there is a requirement that lighting be more energy
efficient. I had hoped that I would have a choice, that perhaps
just the bulbs were going to be changed.
Sadly, I found out that the new fixtures are made differently than
the old ones because the bulbs are made differently. It makes me
wonder if it is a way of forcing people into using the new bulbs.
I am not one for much lighting to begin with, however I am now
seeking ways to have different lighting that isn't fluorescent. Yes,
the newer light bulbs aren't as hideous as what flourescents have
been in the past, but there are two main issues I have with them.
If you break one of these new light bulbs, you have a toxic mess on
your hands. There is an 11 step process for cleaning up the toxic
waste you now have in your home. In addition, apparently there
aren't clear cut disposal methods for these bulbs, so that mercury
is supposedly getting places where it shouldn't be. I also understand
that the bulbs are made overseas, so I cannot imagine that it is a
good thing that something that has become so crucial to our way of
life isn't even made here.
I am not sure I agree with everything said in this video, but here is
some interesting perspective on the topic:
The video below talks about the disposal of the bulbs and the dangers
of Mercury, and assures people that it is the "right" thing to do for the
planet. Wondering if they're hypnotized, or just want us to be?
Added to the Mercury Issue, which is no small one, is the fact that
there are many people who seem to be affected adversely by
fluorescent lighting. Those who aren't affected poo-poo it, and
make fun of those who are, taking this particular part of the issue
lightly. However, there does seem to be some credence to the
possibility that lighting like this can cause issues for some, and
this law takes away the ability for there to be other options, short
of going back to candlelight, or stocking up on incandescent light
bulbs, and holding onto older lamps and fixtures.
So now I am more aware of the situation, but don't know what if
anything can be done. I suspect that there are many who are like
me who were (and are) just bopping along, and won't care much
about this until it's too late.
For the moment, I will just write about this, and my concerns, and
see if anyone out there may have some thoughts. I am all for
helping the environment. I am just not sure that this is the way
to do it, and if anything, it seems like it might potentially cause
more harm than good because we are good about not caring about
those things that are outside of what we can see. Look at how we
already handle waste.
I was told that by making these changes, I would save on electricity.
I already was only using 2 of 4 bulbs that were in a couple of my
fixtures. Perhaps if we just cut back on what we had it would help,
too. The bulb legislation to me seems to be more of a reaction, and
about money than anything else.
Of course, we need to be led to believe otherwise.
Our country was founded on the freedom of choice, and it seems
to me that - in our best interests - our freedom to choose is being
taken away little by little. I can't imagine what is motivating the
people who are making these choices on our behalf. I'd like to give
the benefit of the doubt, but this does not seem thought through
for the best all round effect.
Ignorance and apathy only feed situations like this, and unless
something happens to alter the plan, the world in which we live will
be looking much different in just a few short years from now, and
that will likely just be the beginning. I am usually a pretty positive
person, but I don't even want to think about what repercussions this
may bring in ways we don't yet know or realize.
If you want someone to do something when they're hypnotized, you
give them only the choices you want them to have...and they may
be no choice at all. You can also get them to believe that the choice
they make is theirs, and that it is the one that is "best" for them.
When we no longer recognize our ability to have other choices it
verges on too late. However there are always other choices...we just
to have to allow ourselves to see them unfettered by the fog of
limitation that is often brought upon us by someone or something
else.
There is no question tough choices need to be made, but perhaps we
should consider that they need to be made more on a micro (personal)
level than a macro (government) one. Isn't that the way government
in this country is supposed to work any way?
Being responsible for our choices is different than being made to be
responsible. The minute human beings start to manipulate things is
the moment that other issues are likely to arise.
I'll leave you with this last thought about a bigger picture awareness
with smaller picture actions:
"Among the Indians there have been no written laws. Customs handed
down from generation to generation have been the only laws to guide
them. Every one might act different from what was considered right
did he choose to do so, but such acts would bring upon him the
censure of the Nation. This fear of the Nation's censure acted as a
mighty band, binding all in one social, honorable compact."
- Quote by Tecumseh, Shawnee Indian Tribe
How can we better honor ourselves and the world in which we live?
The health of the father of someone I know
is failing, potentially fast. He has been
on a roller coaster ride (both my friend
and his father) the last year and a half.
It has been difficult to watch what is
happening as a friend, and at a respectful
and yet hopefully supportive distance.
The issues of life and death are
difficult to address on so many levels,
and yet it is one that we all must face
in one way or another at one time
or another.
I don't know about you, but things like
this make me take a step back and look at
life. His father apparently feels much
regret for things not done, and what he
perceives to be his inadequacies.
I am sure it is easy to look back on
things and think "if only I..."
I can only imagine that things to get in
times like this include becoming more
aware of NOW of this moment, of making
choices suited to who and what we are
and who and what we want to be.
Being resigned and giving into what
might appear to be the futility of a
circumstance certainly doesn't seem
to give anyone anything but potential
fodder for future regret.
Taking responsibility for this moment
it would seem is one of the most
valuable things we can do for ourselves.
It allows us to see choices even when
it would seem none exist. At the very
least, we have the choice as to how we
handle a situation.
When we live life like there is always
another tomorrow, it can be painful to
realize that at some point tomorrows
run out.
I know someone who believes that not a
single moment of life is promised us,
and that having an appreciation of our
mortality, we will be able to more
fully embrace what we do right now.
I promised myself on the precipice of
a major decision that I would be
without regret - no matter what
happened. I wasn't happy with the
results, but the beauty of my promise
was that I fully embraced the moment -
warts and all, and can look back without
any regret about what I chose to do.
Had I decided not to take the action,
I suppose I could have made the same
promise, but I would have likely have
wondered, "What if...?"
I knew I didn't want to look back and
wonder "what if," and my promise kept
me from any potential regret from what
I chose to do.
It was one of the most powerful times
of my life, and a lesson that I have
never forgotten.
I do things sometimes that people
(myself sometimes included) don't
understand, but I am doing what I
feel in my heart I must do. I can
only hope when my departure time
comes it comes with me knowing that
I have done all that I could with
what I had.
It's hard to know what the best
and right thing is to do, but
when we listen to our heart, we
can find our own best direction.
I would suspect regret often is
a function of not listening to
that inner guidance, that nudging.
I would suspect our mind tries to
steer us to be logical in the face
of what might seem to make no sense,
only to later have to face - with
regret - the memory of an opportunity
lost.
We only get to be here together for
a relatively short time in the grand
scheme of things, so (while this may
sound like a greeting card) my wish
for you is a life filled with love
and purpose and devoid of regret.
"I cannot give up my guidance to the Magistrate because he knows no more of the way to heaven than I do and has less concern to direct me right than I am to go right." -Thomas Jefferson
Apparently, we not only have Thomas Jefferson to thank for the Declaration of Independence, but also the First Amendment. At the time that he helped to forge the way to the amendment, he was helping a group of people who had specific religious beliefs, and while he claimed not to agree to the substance of what they said, he felt that he could and should defend their right to say it.
He believed that there was a bigger picture to the possibilities that existed in the relatively new world. He believed that LIBERTY could bind people together, and that specific religious beliefs weren't necessary. Up until that time the foundation was slowly being laid for a culture that felt that religion was necessary to hold the threads of society together.
The United States, and its people, were the "chosen" ones only as long as they did what they were "supposed" to under God. So all people were more than encouraged to play by the "rules." Saving its people was the way to save the culture that was developing. For that reason, those who didn't play by the rules needed to leave because the "world" was at stake.
The irony throughout time is that people made their way to this world in pursuit of freedom of expression, only to turn around desirous to halt other newcomer's expressions. It is highly unlikely that anyone has ever seen it that way. In addition, there have been people who have managed to look at the same things, and create different perspectives, and therefore different expectations and desires.
In watching God In America I was amazed to see history repeating itself over and over and over. The program itself never said it, but viewing what happened over time it became apparent that various generations came to the same places as those before them. It is also worthy to note that more than once those who were present at certain times in history (the Civil War, WWI) thought that Armageddon had come.
It became apparent to me through the twists and turns of the events and the historic "players" words and roles that religion itself didn't seem to be the "problem" as much as those who represented it. It is worthy to note that people always had the best of intentions in what they were saying and doing, but the idea that "good" only came in a religious form was something that got attached and hasn't been able to be successfully detached over time and, as a matter of fact, a strongly encouraged belief. There have even been times in history when it has been said that someone not religious was not patriotic.
When meanings and things get collapsed, that is when we have the greatest difficulty getting along with others who may have a different idea about how things should be. Also added to the mix was the idea of becoming "Modern." Some religions felt in the name of "progress" things should change. An interesting idea, to say the least. If an idea is a good one, does it have the ability to be dated?
God in America is about 6 hours long. A long time to sit and watch. What I found pretty cool is that on the page on the internet where you can watch the videos, they have the transcripts and a study guide and a group guide, among other things, for free. The show says that it took words from diaries and from history for those figures that it represents. It really seems more like a documentary than anything else, but if it has leanings, I would say that it doesn't make religions look all that great in how the people within them affect other people and ultimately society. It also shows how even though in this country religion and government are meant to be separate, there seems to be an inevitable possibility of a crossover.
I have heard about the Civil War in school, but never heard the idea before that it was a "religious" war, of sorts. The North thought slavery was demonic, the South thought it to be a part of God's gift/plan. Both sides were thought to believe that to preserve the world that God wanted them to have, they were required to pick up a gun and fight. Both sides thought that the other was breaking their agreement with God for this nation, and therefore the nation's relationship with God was in jeopardy.
It also discusses how schools came to be an important factor in creating "good citizens" by, of course, certain religious teachings.
I also have a new appreciation for Martin Luther King. They showed how he chose to stay outside of the circle of political power, instead of indulging in it like others had.
It covers the complexity of all of the issues in a way that makes so much sense and in a way that I have never been exposed to before. I watched the show with great interest over the course of just 2 days.
It is easy to lose track of why things are the way they are. I remember hearing a story about a woman who was cutting off the ends of a ham that she was making for a holiday dinner. When she was asked why, she said that is the way her mom always did it. When they went to the mom, the mom said it was the way her mother always did it. When they went to the grandmother and asked her why, she said it was so it would fit into the pan.
I think things like this create conversations that need to be had and encourage questions that need to be asked. People can believe and do and say whatever they like it this country and the liberty we have is pretty pure and simple, but it's the other stuff that can cloud what we do and how we do it.
Thomas Jefferson apparently had a great respect for mankind and is ability to choose wisely based on a value that all could agree upon, and appreciate. I can only hope that somewhere in the midst of everything that is happening we can find the way best to keep this great vision alive, believing in what wonderful things man is capable of, with or without a religious vision, or a belief in God.
If you have an opportunity to watch the series, please let me know what you think. I don't think it necessarily biased, but could see how some might say or think otherwise. I also realize when there is a bias sometimes it is so much of self that it is difficult to discern. Would love to hear YOUR thoughts.
In the last couple of days I have been watching
a PBS Series called God In America. There is
so much to say about the series, and once I
have completed watching, I will be posting about
it and my experience of it.
In the meantime, in viewing it, I became aware
of the talk below. I thought it eloquent and
very clear in its communication. Many of our
problems, it would seem, come from meanings we
have created and recreated over the years, but
more on that as soon as I can sort out my
thoughts on the series.
If you watch the video below, as always I would
love to know your thoughts. Many like to think
they know where to draw lines, but I have to
wonder what they are basing their choices on
and, if indeed, it is in the interest of the
many or if it really is just for a few.
"When you find your husband..(sic)
you have to be willing lose
yourself to become one with
him. Its (sic) not just YOU
anymore. Its US."
- AngelaSimmons on Twitter
I find it amazing how many
people believe this idea,
but then again enough people
say enough things at the
"right" time and those ideas
prevail.
Of course everyone is entitled
to his or her opinion, but I
have to wonder why people don't
consider that one can still
maintain oneself within the
body of a relationship.
To me, it's kinda like a physical
body. It has distinct parts.
Arms. Legs. Head. And so on.
And each part has parts.
Each part has a distinct role
within the body, and while
occasionally parts can play
other roles, the body has a
master design that works for
a majority of people.
Of course if an arm or a leg
was trying to be off doing
its own thing, it could be
trouble for the body. However,
for many the arm and the leg
function as it should, and
within the context of the body.
It keeps its role without
losing itself and maintains
itself within the overall
framework that has been
created.
Might it not make sense to
consider relationships in this
context? Perhaps one does not
need to lose oneself as much as
one might need to respect the
relationship "body."
Just a couple of my cents,
with inflation, who knows
what they're worth? But
they're yours to do with
what you will. :)
