Dave Elliott has a model of our needs
that includes the following:
I don't know about you, but it is
interesting to see human needs
in this way. I find there are
many things that go unnamed and
unidentified, and I think it's
cool when they can be recognized
because then we are less at the
effect of them.
Take a look at the list. Where
do you think your most important
needs stem from? You may notice
that the quality of the needs
change from the bottom to the top,
with the bottom being much more
restrictive and limited than what
is at the top.
When your need is to have
predictability, the focus is
much more on you. When your
need is for providing service
to another, as you can tell,
the focus is quite different,
and will have a different
effect.
When you are controlled by a
need, it is because somewhere
along the line you have
overvalued it.
As with most things, whether
or not something "works" for
you is key. There is no
inherent judgment in an
overvaluation, but rather
an observation. If you are
controlled by something, and
have an experience you don't
want to be having, then it is
worth considering making some
changes.
If you find that you value
Predictability, you may find
that the things you want will
be out of your reach. IF that
is the case, it may be time
to take different actions to
get different results.
Of course, we as human beings
just love things staying consistent,
so to say it is challenging to
do that might be an understatement.
However, when you let yourself
be aware of where you are in
relation to where you want to
be, you can begin to take actions
that will allow your value system
to shift, and allow for different
actions.
It may be obvious to point this
out, but going up or down the
list is possible. Who you are can
be altered by what you do, and
often we will find ourselves never
straying too far from who we
perceive ourselves to be. Stretches
take work, and those who want things
to be easy will find that the only
thing that is easy is treading water.
Although, having said that, when we
feel a need to make a change, and
we don't, the ability to tread water
without even thinking may be there,
but there may be a tendency to deny
a desire because it means getting
from here to there, and we don't
know how to make that happen. It
also may mean going in circles, in
frustration.
We may want to stay put, but the
irony is we have little patience
with ourselves when we do, and it
takes more and more to keep our
world intact, as we lose more and
more of ourselves, ironically
working quite hard to maintain
our illusions. "I don't really
want that any way."
The more you feel the need to fight
to keep what you know, the more
possible it is that you are due
for a change that you are resisting.
Should you choose to allow the change,
and lower your resistance, you may
find that you have so much more energy
and feel so much more free. The
inner battle can be exhausting -
mentally, physically, emotionally.
The best thing you can do for yourself
is love yourself, wherever you are
in regard to your values. You are
there for a reason, and unconsciously,
you think it's a good one. But...
That doesn't mean you need to stay
there. Don't know how to get where
you want to be? I might be able to
help. Sometimes it helps to have
another's perspective and input to
help clarify what we already suspect
or know, or to have another hold our
hand as we take that next step, not
as a sign of weakness, but rather
as an acknowledgment of what another
might bring to our experience of
ourselves and our life.
One last thing: Given what you know
of those you interact with, you
can tell by who they are, what THEY
value. Interact with them from that
place - without judgment - and you
will likely have better success
relating to them.
As always, curious to hear YOUR
thoughts.
Speak to me live
