Can Men & Women be Friends?

I was speaking with someone today who
mentioned the film When Harry Met Sally.
In the film Harry, played by Billy
Crystal, tells Sally, played by Meg
Ryan, that it is impossible for men
and women to be friends because men
are always sexually interested in women.

I think it is an interesting question,
and also an interesting analysis and
conclusion. I say this because it
would seem that sexual attraction "has"
to have an inevitable conclusion/action,
at least according to some.

Does an attraction have to be acted
upon? I guess that depends on the
person you talk to, and what their
perspective is. And, if it is not
acted upon, where are the parties
involved left?

Some are unable to have a dynamic of
any type if the type that they want
is unavailable (all or nothing principle).
The fact is that if the two parties
are able and willing to be friends,
the possibility to be friends exists.
It may not be the easiest thing to do,
as nature may have other designs, but
it depends on what is at the core of the
relationship that is a friendship.

If the core is respect and love, a
friendship of any type is one that
will be rewarding no matter how you
slice it. Can it suck? Absolutely.
At one point Sally's feelings get
hurt, and she tells Harry she really
wants to hate him.

There is a fine line that can be
walked in any dynamic between two
people, some more tricky than others.
It all depends what is important to
you, and if you love and respect the
other person, you will allow for
the relationship to take shape in
any way that is supportive of both
of you.

If there is a lack of love and/or
respect, then it is a whole different
ballgame, likely with much different
expectations, actions, and results.

One thing does not necessarily mean
another thing. When we start to
make things mean something (attraction=
a necessity to act on it) is when we
will likely find ourselves in trouble.

I would think that lust is the biggest
troublemaker of all, as it has no
foundation on which to stand when there
is nothing else to support it.

Lusting after someone that you love
and respect, while having love and
respect for yourself is very different
than going after someone just because
your libido is speaking volumes.

Matters of the heart are never easy
to navigate, as they rarely are on
a straight and narrow path. That is
why knowing who you are at the core
will help to guide you in times of
difficulty. Just be sure that the
direction you take is your own, and
not those of society, family, friends.

In general, I'd say that when you
find your head and heart at odds,
it is the heart that speaks from
the core of who you are, and it
is the head that tells you things
as they should be - according to
what others believe.

Following your heart won't be the
easiest thing you'll ever do at
times - but it likely will be the
most rewarding. Some times the
challenge to be friends in the
midst of attraction is one worth
hurdling. If nothing else, it
might be more likely to withstand
the test of time and other challenges.

And, then again...who the heck knows
what's best for you - other than you?
:P
 

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