Ask anyone who has been in an abusive relationship why they
stayed, odds are if they didn't say something like, "I love her,"
he would likely tell you he didn't know why.
Dysfunction of any type that has this "pull," seems inexplicable,
seems unable to escape or change, has its own polarity and
magnet...and it is called the unconscious or subconscious.
It is the part of the person that drives them to do certain things,
even if they are violent or hurtful to one's self or others.
I don't know that I could say this is a 100% kind of way,
however it would seem to me to be a very high percentage of
the time.
For some, love is pain. Love is arguing. Love is fighting and
making up. The definition of love depends very much on the
individual's experience of what s/he believed to be love, and
the associations s/he made. The person then makes choices
to find love in the only way it knows how.
(There are other factors, as well...hard to have a comprehensive
conversation of a complex topic in a short blog entry.)
Eminem's song/video below is intense. It speaks to the most
violent of relationships, however, there are all kinds of abuse,
and some of the worst isn't even as obvious as being mistreated
physically. Just because there is no physical experience of
mistreatment doesn't mean that a person isn't mistreated.
Some people are good at manipulating others with just their
words...and it's a form of influence, and perhaps even hypnosis
of the non-trance kind. When that is added to the mix it
becomes a form of suggestion, and makes a bad situation
even more difficult to extricate oneself from.
Some people may read this or view the video and go, "huh?"
I noticed there were some comments on YouTube, as some
didn't understand that message of the music. In some way
they may even be like those who believe they could never be
hypnotized to do something detrimental and believe that
hypnosis isn't really real, and don't understand how some
could get into the difficulties they do.
Hopefully they will never truly understand the message from
a personal experience point of view, but perhaps they can
still have some form of understanding and/or compassion
for another who knows all too well what it means.
If you find yourself stuck, you CAN get unstuck. Is it likely
to be easy? Probably not...but with enough desire, you can
find your way. Better yet, afterward you'll wonder why you
didn't leave sooner. When that happens celebrate the
perspective, and be kind to yourself...you did the best you
could with who you were at that moment in time.
*curious about the title of this blog? Be sure to watch video,
reference at 3:19.
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