It's about what works. A relationship blog. For all relationships - especially the one you have with yourself.
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The environment on the subways of NYC is certainly
one of many things and experiences.
I have many stories of time spent commuting
when I lived there. Some things were anything
but desirable, while others were downright
awesome. This video seems to have filmed one
of those pretty awesome ones (although I
imagine there could have been some who felt
assaulted, as can happen with unwanted
"entertainment.")
It is also a great story. Funny how
sometimes we get more attention when
things are less than "perfect." Good
for these guys that they didn't easily
give up. Who knows what's next? But
it looks like they're having some fun
along the way, despite the pretty big
bump in the road.
It is being built as a way to keep the
roads clear, as well as provide a
railway for freight trains and passenger
trains, as well.
Is it just me, or does anyone else
wonder if things like this are a good
thing?
It kind of reminds me of someone who
has a small house, and has a few things.
They get a few more things, and a few
more until they need to eventually get
a new house to fit all of their things.
Of course another option would be to
get rid of some things, but most opt
at least metaphorically to take up
more space. Each time the available
space is used up, a bigger place is
required.
We don't often think about running out
of space, as the mentality often is that
we can always do, get, be more.
What happens when the roadway and the
tracks aren't enough? What's next?
When does there's always more become
no more?
With the recent number of deaths of
teens who have been bullied, there
has been an outpouring of videos that
speak to how "it gets better."
Most of the cases have been children
who are GLBT, however it isn't universal
as bullying in general seems to be a
big problem.
What I find interesting about all of
those who are speaking to how it gets
better is that even though they are
talking about issues that relate to
not fitting in and being bullied in
regard to being GLBT, but it the
message fits for more than just them.
It fits for so many who don't feel
like they fit, or made to believe
that they are a misfit in some way.
There are things about myself that I
used to want to hide when I was
growing up...things that made me
different...things that I now revel
in because they are the things that
make me, ME.
It has taken time to find that
perspective, and to appreciate who
I am, and sadly the kids who take
their own lives will never get a
chance to see how wonderful their
uniqueness truly is.
Many adults - as good as they may
say life comes to be - even struggle
to be who they truly are. For some,
the stigma may have faded, but the
scars remain. For others, there is
a constant struggle to stay within
the range of what is considered the
norm and acceptable.
While I do not have statistics, I
am fairly certain that the problems
highlighted by these recent events
are not unique to a particular
demographic. I am fairly certain
that lives are lost every day and
new pains inflicted everywhere -
we just don't hear about it all.
Being true to oneself is one of the
best things that we could ever do,
but it is also likely to be one of
the most difficult especially when
someone is in your face, tormenting
you. Is it no wonder that many
adults have difficulty being who
they truly are after a foundation
of being told that who they are is
not good, right, perfect, etc...?
Who we are is built on the foundation
what has come before. If we are
unable or unwilling to discover what
is in that unconscious foundation, we
just build over it and pretend that
everything is OK when it really isn't.
Every day I hear people tell me that
they want something that will
effectively cover up something they
don't like. Often they don't realize
that that approach won't net them what
they want, and might likely cause more
problems.
So the adults have issues that haven't
been dealt with, and the adults are in
some ways no better equipped to deal
with things than their kids. We are
taught many things in school, but not
taught about ourselves.
My heart goes out to anyone who is, or
has been, affected by bullying of any
sort, for any reason. It just goes to
show we have a long way to go...and
very little to go on to get there.
While programs like "It Gets Better"
are not likely to stop the crisis,
every little bit can help as conversation
helps to create an awareness, and with
awareness comes opportunity.
Below is the video that prompted today's
thoughts. If you have the time, consider
watching, and see if there is anything
you might get out of it for yourself, or
someone you care about.
Bill O'Reilly has reportedly said,
"The truth is that if moderate
Muslims all over the world would
stand with Americans against
radical Islam, the terrorists
couldn't exist. But obviously,
that is not happening."
I heard about his appearance on
The View, and how there was much
controversy over his handling of
the subject of Muslims. For some
reason, I didn't want to be drawn
into the drama, so I didn't pay
much attention at first.
However today I saw the above
comment, and that stood out as
something to address. As with
many things, there are complicated
webs that we weave around them,
and it is often very easy to lose
sight of the things that we should
truly be addressing.
So while the issue may seem to be
about one thing, it might actually
be about something else, and while
there is indeed a bigger conversation
to be had in regard to the topic,
that is not my intention here.
My intention is to look at the above
statement - and question it in a
broader way. I am not sure how he
thinks that a matter can just be
handled in the manner that he seems
to think it can be.
Just because we don't want things in
our world doesn't mean that others
agree. It also doesn't mean that
they can be stopped from their
expression, whether it is violent,
or otherwise - much to the chagrin of
almost any human being who is passionate
about something.
Yes, we can collectively work together,
but there will always be someone labelled
similarly to us, who will vary from us.
Given human nature, one might make broad,
sweeping statements about the label that
are unfair and unjustified in some cases.
It can go either way - making the "good"
look "bad" or the "bad" look "good."
There are those who might be quick to label
me, and some of what I do, as "bad," but
they would likely be people who have no
clue who I am. Those who have taken the
time to get to know who I am know that I
have the best interest of those I speak
to at heart.
However, someone who lumped me into the
bunch of "bad" people would likely have
little desire to get to know the real me
and how I may vary from their preconceived
notions.
It is that willingness to label and box in
people and situations that will get us into
trouble more times than not. When people
speak, others listen.
Bill O'Reilly may have a point that needs
to be heard and addressed, but the problem
is that it may be lost when there are
sweeping statements that are made that
cause others to get riled up in unhelpful
ways.
People don't always do what we want them to
do, or speak the way we think they should,
and in some ways, that can be a good thing -
as long as we continue to think for ourselves
in the process, and be careful about reacting
to the things we think we know.
I realize in today's world that is a tricky
proposition, however, if the way we choose to
interact with it is by addressing how we
silence the perceived opposition (which could
include the radical Islamists or Bill O'Reillys
of the world), rather than finding a way to
interact with them, we will have a much bigger
problem on our hands.
It might be worth considering that the
opposition isn't our enemy, as much as the
silence is.
It also may be worthy of note that trying to
silence a perceived problem by trying to
stamp it out rarely - if ever - works.
Just ask King George III.
Some may wonder why the big reaction.
Certainly in a world that faces many
significant issues, one might wonder
why a changed graphic would elicit
such a response.
Marketers and advertisers will tell
you that it has to do with the meaning
that the logo has for those who are
interested in the brand, and it would
seem to be correct.
However, it cuts even deeper than
what that sounds like. After all,
where does the meaning come from?
Likely some unconscious place.
The unconscious likes the sameness of
things. It never wants to mess with
the comfort of the status quo.
When people react in the way they did
with GAP, what they likely don't
realize is that, despite what they're
saying and may believe, their actions
are dictated by the part of them that
wants to stay stuck in the known.
I have to wonder if people realized
that happened if they would continue
to respond to things as they do, or
if they would better be able to put
the use of their energies and attentions
into perspective with the other things
in the world.
It is much more powerful to act than
react. I'd be willing to bet that
most who responded to the news
reacted, and the reason I say this
is because if one takes a step back,
s/he would realize that in the grand
scheme of things, it doesn't really
matter what the graphic looks like.
Whatever meaning has been assigned to
the graphic should still hold true
for the brand that these people
appreciate, regardless of how it is
packaged.
Is it no wonder that companies and
brands spend millions on something
we can often unconsciously manipulated by?
I hope when everything is said and done all will
be well between the two of them. I know many
people who would prefer the truth to a lie, but
not all would be truly OK with truth, which is
what often leads people to lie.
It is most unfortunate that people feel the need
to lie about things so that they can be accepted.
In Gavin's case, he probably figured it was the
past, and didn't want it to influence his present
possibilities. To some degree, in the culture in
which we live it would seem to make sense to cover
that tidbit up. However the question becomes
which is worse: the lie or what happened?
As for myself, I like to know what I am walking
into. If one truly has a love and respect for
another, much is possible, and sometimes the
things that happen for me are what others would
deem impossible.
Until we as a culture of people can find a way
to embrace people for the whole of who they are,
we unfortunately should expect situations like
these. The irony is, though, that even though
there are some that are more open and accepting
than others, we've been trained to believe
otherwise.
So many times I will say something, and mean it,
and I am still treated as though I said something
else, or that I couldn't possibly mean what I
have said, or that it must be a trick or a
manipulation. After all, that is a ploy that
is used by some - who aren't telling the truth,
either.
In a world with respect, we will respect each
other enough to tell the truth, ANDrespect the
other enough to choose what works for them, even
if it's not what we would like, want, or hope for.
In my estimation, anything less is to some degree
swimming against the tide and forfeiting a part of
ourself and those we love and care about. Is it
OK? That is only for you to decide. Everything
has a cost.
Courtney Cox and David Arquette have split up.
Have you heard? Odds are most anyone reading
this couldn't care less about what the two of
them do, or don't do.
What I find interesting is people judging
David and Courtney's reaction to each other.
I suppose there is no surprise there, given
how much people tend to judge.
However, what I experience when I read the
details are two people who seem to care very
much about each other as well as themselves.
Some might call that selfish, and label it
a bad thing.
The problem, as I see it, is that when one
starts to say "This is what's WRONG with you,"
it is never productive and can often lead
to potential stifling behavior. If it is
kept up long enough it can lead to passive
aggressive behavior, resentment, and other
types of things that aren't necessarily
healthy or helpful to an individual, or
a relationship.
I see what they are doing as quite healthy,
as it is allowing the other to be who the
other wants to be for their own best well
being and happiness. Yes, relationships
involve some level of compromise, but if
in the process of compromising, a person
is compromised, the relationship also will
also likely be, ultimately.
In a relationship, a person has various
options to interact with the other person,
none of which involves changing the other's
habits or personality. It all needs to
come from within, and while perspective
shifts can happen, they often don't, and
it's not necessarily because either party
is selfish. It might be that it's just
time to make a change.
Yes, relationships take work, but there
comes a time for some that "working on it"
ceases to work any more. When that happens,
the two people involved can love each other
enough to know that the time has come to
love one another at a distance, and that
can be the greatest gift of love that anyone
could ever give.
Recently someone told me that he didn't
know what to tell someone in regard to
a situation, and he was quite frustrated
because it was apparent that the other
person wanted to talk.
I asked if he knew what the other person
wanted to talk about, and he had some
idea, and speculated about what the
details could be. Based on what he
speculated, he wasn't sure what could
be said.
The fact was while he had some idea, he
didn't really KNOW what the other person
would say, and because of that he truly
didn't know that he didn't know what to
say. Had he been willing to have a
conversation with the person (and at the
time he wasn't) he might have discovered
that he would uncover exactly what needed
to be said because the interaction with
the other person would have brought to
the conversation whatever needed to be
discussed.
The interaction would have been like
a scientific experiment. It would
have brought two things together into
something with a different characteristic
than the two things have when separate.
Not knowing what that would be (as organic
as situations like that can be), one
could only guess at what might be the
outcome, and quite possibly be incorrect.
It is interesting to think we know things
when we really don't. Even more interesting
is to jump into these situations with an
open mind and without any particular
expectation. One never knows what can
happen in cases like that. Granted, that
is the fear that holds people back, but is
also the possibility of something wonderful,
as well.
So the next time you think you know something
and it holds you back or frustrates you,
consider that you may not know anything at all,
or that what you "know" is taking you to the
wrong destination because the information (or
interpretation of the information) is faulty.
For those of you who are perfectionists
and/or those of you who have to have
everything figured out, this will quite
possibly be a challenge to do. I promise
you, though, if you listen to your heart
and let it lead it will help out that head
of yours, should you be willing to take
the leap.
By the way, I know *wink* what I am talking
about, as I used to be one of those types
of people. I still have my moments, but
I have been amazed how walking into a
situation without everything figured out
can net some wonderful results.
As always, just a little something to
consider as you wind your way through life.
I am impressed. Sorry to think it's just a news
segment among many pieces of not so good news,
but it is a start! I wonder if other places do
something similar that I have yet to see.
As impressive, if not more so, is the news itself.
In a world where money and greed and selfishness
all too often take center stage, it is so nice to
see someone helping another because they can,
regardless of how it may seem to affect them, or
their bottom line.
Of course, one might wonder if there is good PR
value in it for them. But you know what...?
So what if there is. The best part of it all
was already accomplished. Another person's
well being was considered and aided.
If you know of other things like this, please
let me know. I would love to hear of more good
deeds. We hear so much about the not so good
stuff, I'd love the counterbalance.
Even with our perceived differences - we are
often very much alike.
With the death of the Rutgers' student recently,
there has been a surge of messages for those
children who are LGBT and are struggling due
to teasing, intolerance, and tormenting of others.
Interestingly, Lance Bass said that when he was
younger, he even played the role of a tormentor
which gives some credence to the idea that there
is a possibility that those who mock something
or someone likely have something going on
personally in regard to an issue. Look at those
conservative politicians who say one thing, and
then get caught in less than conservative
compromising positions.
If people could feel more like they could be
themselves, there would be little (if any) reason
for things like this...in regard to LGBT issues,
or anything else - in regard to children, or even
adults.
When someone is in pain, it is difficult to see
the forest for the trees, but hopefully those
who stand up and tell their stories will help
those who are in the dark see a glimmer of light.
We all have something to offer, but all too often
it gets hidden behind things that really don't
matter all that much.
I don't know more than the snippets I hear
in the media, and am not sure I want to, LOL.
Apparently a video has surfaced that has her
speaking about Wicca or being a witch, or
something like that.
It doesn't really matter what the fact is for
the purpose of this entry because all I want
to say that if it says something about Wicca,
it is one very misunderstood practice. It
is actually quite beautiful in how it looks
at things (at least from what I know of it).
As with anything, even the good can appear
bad depending on its use, and depending on
who's using it, and how. Once again, we
should be careful about labels, as things
and people aren't always what the label
implies, and can even sometimes be mislabeled.
Christine makes a good point in the video
about how no one is perfect, however to
label witch as "bad" isn't necessarily a
solution in my mind, either. Much that
isn't understood is labeled in such a way
that it is often feared, and sometimes
unnecessarily.
In some way the message of her video also
aligns with my previous blog entry. In so
many ways we are alike, but it's hard to
remember that while the differences are
tearing us apart.
The voters of Delaware will do themselves
a favor by investigating the facts, and
also looking at the labels and what they
mean. Taking things for granted (with
very few exceptions) is rarely helpful.
I wonder what the outcome of the Delaware
election will be. I wonder if any of
these types of things could be happening
to have us pay closer attention to the
things we believe, say, and do. If so,
I am not sure if getting caught up in
certain pieces of what is going on is
productive as it can take the form of a
distraction, as we go off on paths that
divert us from the things that we should
really be paying attention to.
Not to say the details don't matter,
but sometimes being so focused on the
smaller pieces, we lose sight of the
bigger ones. Given what is going on
the world-at-large, perhaps there is
a bigger picture we're missing?
Had an interesting call recently. It was one of
those pre-recorded deals. Not sure why I was
on their list, and maybe *I* wasn't, maybe it
was for someone who used to have my number.
It was a guy's voice. Very stern. Sounded
like he was from Massachusetts. He was saying
that it was "100% certain" that if I was over
60 years old and I was alone at home that I
would have a stroke, heart attack, accident,
or fall.
He then was nice enough to repeat the "100%
certain" part.
He was selling fear in the guise of a home
alert system.
Two questions that come to mind are:
* No one over 60 can live safely and without
incident? Really? (What about those under 60?
Are they not able to be scared or manipulated
as easily? Nothing ever happens to them?)
* How can he be so certain that it *will*
happen, unless he is hypnotizing someone
into thinking it will happen?
It sounds to me like preying on a person's
fears, rather than helping to support
another and make a difference for someone
and their needs.
I am sure many things can be useful and
helpful, but I find some of these tactics
abhorrent...especially if words are used
to influence actions based on unconscious
fears.
Then he also said, "Press 1 for more
information now" 3! times.
Alert the fear, create a suggestive state,
tell the person what to do, and...wallah!
You have a sale. Yuck.
We gotta do better than this. I don't
usually say things like that. But can't
we take better care of our neighbors
without scaring and manipulating them?
Maybe that's the problem. I'm thinking
more of the people than the money.
Sequoia Trees are huge trees, but they didn't get
that way over night. Each moment another part of
the tree grew in relation to what was already there.
If what we are growing is something we want, it is
worth the wait, as there is a foundation for what
we come to have.
Sometimes we just want to get things "over with"
because we don't want to face what seems to be the
enormity of it all. It's too bad that things don't
often - and actually quite rarely - work that way.
At the same time, we underestimate the value of what
we are building upon. It is a paradox that one is never
at a destination without simultaneously beginning a
new journey. If unable to see that, what is happening
might seem like one very long, overwhelming journey
in which you never feel like you are making any progress.
Journeys have unexpected events. It is inherent in
what a journey is about. No way to truly know
something until you are in the midst of it.
As with pretty much everything, how we interact
with things in life can also apply to one's hypnotic
experience. I often find that there is an impatience
on some people's part for things to happen.
The best thing you can do is take one step at a
time, and interact with things as they happen.
You could anticipate what you think might happen,
but odds are you still may be surprised, and the
moment will take care of itself. It can be times
like that that magic seems to happen.
Allowing life (or a hypnotic experience) to unfold
can be quite difficult if you always want things
figured out before you even start. About the only
thing that you can have some certainty about from
moment to moment is that you will take the next step
along the way, and while there may be some leaps,
most of them will be likely be small; and I bettcha
if you do that you'll be exactly where you want to be before you know it. ;)
People who know me know how much I get
upset when people are manipulated by the
likes of those who are adept at hypnotic
technique and NLP.
Occasionally I will see something that I
think is questionable. I know exactly what
the person is doing, and it troubles me.
For instance, I once saw a blog entry about
the "dangers of conversational hypnosis"
which ever so conveniently linked to a
program on how to do conversational
hypnosis. How much you want to bet it's an
affiliate link?
When you tell someone about something like
this, the danger almost always often is a
call to investigate further.
I have said for quite some time that people
CAN be manipulated with hypnotic technique,
and it concerns me that there are those who
are teaching others how to do it, claiming
that it's not the tool that is troubling,
but the people who use it. I even heard one
such person's audio which said that if you
were unethical you should not buy his program.
All I can say to that is, "Puhleassse." If
someone didn't know what he was doing, they
might think how wonderful that he was discouraging
misuse. Do you really think someone unethical
would care about what he was saying? Besides
the fact that how he was saying it, was only
encouraging anyone and everyone listening to
buy his offering.
And all I can say to you is do what you can
to become aware about what is possible. The
more aware you are, the less likely it is
that you could be manipulated. Sadly, I do
not believe there is any way to truly and
completely guard against abuse, but it is a
start.
Have you done all that you could to make it happen,
even if didn't? Have you said all there is to
say?
I came across this today, and I thought it an
interesting statement that I made to someone in
a letter:
"I have done all that I can. I have exhausted
every avenue, every option, every street, every
thing...so much so I stand here feeling empty
and yet complete."
The beauty is that it was a situation that I
very much wanted to turn out differently than it
did, however I found peace in the fact that I
said and did everything I could.
